Broken Butterfly Cocoon

上帝的意思就是讓那只大肚子蝴蝶從那個奇小無比的小口爬出來，那個小窄口在它通過時把它體內的營養液從腹部擠壓到翅膀，這樣蝴蝶就可以在破繭而出、獲得自由的時候展翅高飛了。

寬恕

Forgiveness

To forgive may be divine， but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you， it can be extremely diffcult to let go of your grudge.But forgiveness is possible—and it can be surprisingly benefcial to your physical and mental health.

"People who forgive show less depression， anger and stress and more hopefulness，" says Frederic， Ph. D.， author of Forgive for Good. "So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs， reduce the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more vital."

So how do you start the healing？Try following these steps：

Calm yourself. To defuse your anger， try a simple stress-management technique. "Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure：a beautiful scene in nature， someone you love，" Frederic says.

Don't wait for an apology. "Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing，" Frederic says. "They may have wanted to hurt you or they just don't see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize， you could be waiting an awfully long time." Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of his or her action.

Take the control away from your offender. Mentally replayingyour hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. "Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings， learn to look for the love， beauty and kindness around you，" Frederic says.

Try to see things from the other person's perspective. If you empathize with that person， you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance， fear—even love.To gain perspective， you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender's point of view.

Recognize the benefts of forgiveness. Research has shown that people who forgive report more energy， better appetite and better sleep patterns.

Don't forget to forgive yourself. "For some people， forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge，" Frederic says. "But it can rob you of your self-confdence if you don't do it."

寬恕是神圣的，但是沒有人說很容易做到寬恕別人。當你被深深傷害的時候，想要不懷恨在心是很難做到的。但是寬恕是可能的——而且這會給你的身心健康帶來出乎意料的益處。

《寬恕的好處》一書的作者弗雷德里克博士說：“懂得寬恕的人不會感到那么沮喪、憤怒和緊張，他們總是充滿希望。所以寬恕有助于減少人體各種器官的損耗，降低免疫系統的疲勞程度并使人精力更加充沛。”

那么，如何恢復自己的情緒呢？試試下面的一些步驟吧：

讓自己冷靜下來。嘗試一種簡單的減壓技巧來緩解你憤怒的情緒。弗雷德里克建議：“做幾次深呼吸，然后想想那些令你快樂的事情，比如自然界的美麗景色，或者你愛的人?！?

不要等別人來道歉。弗雷德里克說：“許多時候，傷害你的人沒有想過要道歉。他們可能是故意的，也可能只是和你看待事物的方式不一樣。所以如果你等著別人來道歉，你可能會等相當長的時間?！蹦阋斡?，寬恕并不一定意味著順從那些讓你心煩意亂的人，也不意味著饒恕他或她的行為。

不要讓冒犯你的人控制你的情緒。內心里總是想著自己的傷痛，只會給傷害你的人打氣。弗雷德里克說：“與其老是關注自己受到的傷害，還不如學著去尋找你身邊的真善美。”

試著從別人的角度來看問題。如果你站在別人的立場上，你也許會意識到他或她是因為無知、害怕，甚至是愛才那樣做的。為了能夠站在別人的角度來看問題，你可以從冒犯你的人的立場給你自己寫一封信。

認識到寬恕的益處。研究表明懂得寬恕的人精力更旺盛、食欲更好、睡覺更香。

不要忘了寬恕自己。弗雷德里克說：“對于有些人來說，寬恕自己才是最大的挑戰。但是如果你不寬恕自己，你會失去自信?！?

歌德的容忍

Goethe's Tolerance

Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it， he met with a critic who was hostile to him.Both of them stopped， staring at each other.Then the critic said， "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will，" with that Goethe retreated aside.

歌德有一次正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：“我從來不給傻瓜讓路。”“可我給?！闭f完歌德退到了一邊。

不要一味指責別人

Not to Blindly Accuse Others

How would you answer this question：I am out of my abuse and have moved on with my life. There is something that I have been wondering about.How and when does the abuse stop playing a signifcant part of my life？I have seen others who have moved on and I would like to know how they did it.

The woman who asked this， asked a valid question. There are many men， women and children who no longer are victims， but feel like they cannot leave it behind.It stays as much a part of themselves as it did while they were being abused.The only difference may be there is no physical or emotional abuse happening in their worlds.

What is victim mentality？

A victim mentality is one where you blame everyone else for what happens in your world. (Another definition not as commonly used is one that says a person thinks the future only holds bad things for them.) If you do not get the promotion it is because Mr. Johnson was out to get you.Not because he found you playing on the Internet every day.Your best friend called and said she could not have dinner with you.She is always doing that to you；not showing.You'll show her.You won't invite her when you go out again！Instead of remembering she has just started school and you did call her at thelast minute.Victim mentality.

Recently I spoke with someone who no longer lives with a victim mentality. She has gone on with her life and is free from some of the extra baggage that come with being a victim.We discussed forgiving our abusers and how in that process you also need to forgive yourself.With that came loosing the victim mentality.

When she was living under the victim mentality she found herself angrier. She found herself swirling in a sea of resentment towards her abuser.She stayed locked in that cycle and never seemed to move forward.If she got sick， she became angry at him.If the kids messed up， she became angry at him；He was no longer in the picture， but it was all his fault， It was not hers；he made things this way… Life is easier when you can play the blame game.The blame game makes it easy for your life not to move forward or for you to grow.