A Proposal to Myself

佚名/Anonymous

寫這篇文章的那天，是我知道自己命運的前一天，也是我知道自己的生活中將會發生什么的前一天。我全神貫注地寫這篇文章，相信自己會繼續前進，不會被生活拋棄。我決定盡自己一切可能去了解世界的每一方面。我堅信自己會有所成就，盡管那封信給我帶來了壞消息，它承載著我的命運。

我將永不聽信那些人的話，他們堅持認為這個時代唯一的謀生手段屬于有大學學位的人，那些說我是一個沒有理想的空想家的人，我也毫不理睬。我告訴自己，盡管大學可能沒有錄取我，可我曾見過北極光，它們在我面前如幕布般展開；我曾品嘗過巴黎的美酒，暢游過大西洋和太平洋；我曾去過愛爾蘭的酒館，在古羅馬城鎮廣場欣賞過日出；我也曾爬過瑞士的阿爾卑斯山，數過天上所有能看見的星星。

我體驗了自己喜歡的生活，我告訴自己，即使那個小信封承載的全是拒絕，這個被拒絕的人也會繼續前進，去看更多的山脈，去游遍更多的河流，并繼續數星星。因為命中注定，我必須過屬于自己的生活，而且我也知道怎么去過自己的生活。

明天，我的郵箱里會有一封信，它會帶來一個答案，我已經準備好用勇氣和自尊來承受。我不會哭，除非是喜悅的淚水，因為我告別了童年，迎來了新的生活——一種神秘和未知的生活。它將教導我成長，讓我懂得事物的生存之道。它將過濾我所有的遺憾，成倍增加我的個人價值。

在我的戰役中，我會變得強壯，瑣碎的事情將無法將我擊倒。我會告訴自己，偶爾浮躁無關緊要，友善會彌補你的過錯。我知道自己很善良，且很聰明，不一定非要上了大學才能聰明。我知道自己是誰，盡管我的多重性格令一些腦外科醫生都手足無措。

我生來就是一個獨立而高傲的女人，我接受自己，不論大學是否錄取我，我都會真誠對待自己和周圍的人。這個星期，我將學會堅持與學校里的一切告別，我會記住我的朋友、熟人和偶像，我將祝愿他們一生好運連連。

那封還沒有寄到的信，不只是一封信，還是我對自己的生活做出的決定。像所有的同齡人一樣，我也很困惑，但我絕不回頭。不管身在何處，我只會展望明天，迎接每一天的到來。

I am writing this the day before I know my fate—the day before I know the answer to what will happen in my life. I am writing this with my mind set that I will carry on and not let life pass me by.I am determined that I will see the world in every aspect that may be possible for me.I am sure that I will become something， even if the envelope that carries my life inside it gives me bad news.

I will not listen to those who insist that a university degree is the only way you will find a means of living these days. I will ignore those who tell me that I am a dreamer without a dream.I will tell myself that although I may not be accepted to college， I have seen the northern lights curtain themselves in front of me.I have tasted the wine in Paris and swum in Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.I have been to an Irish pub， and I have watched the sunrise from the Roman Forum.I have climbed the Swiss Alps and counted the stars in the sky until I could see no more.

I have experienced what it is like to live， and I will tell myself that even if that envelope is small and exudes rejection， the person that they have rejected will carry on and go on to see more mountains and swim in more waters and keep on counting the stars， because somewhere it is written that I must continue to live my life the way I know how to.

The envelope that will reach my mailbox tomorrow will bring an answer that I am ready to bear with courage and self-respect. I will not cry， unless they be tears of joy for bidding good-bye to my childhood and welcoming in a new life—one that is mysterious and unknown.One that will teach me to grow and understand why things are the way they are.One that will filter out all my regrets and let my self-worth multiply.

I will be strong in my battle and not let little things bring me down. I will tell myself that it is okay to be scatterbrained once in a while and that sometimes the kindness you show will balance out your faults.I will know that I am a good person and that being smart doesn't necessarily mean that you are accepted into college.I know who I am and there are brain surgeons who would be challenged sorting through my multi-faceted psyche.

I am independent by nature and a proud woman. I accept who I am.And whether or not I am accepted into college， I will be true to myself and to others around me.I will learn to carry on with every good-bye I say at school this week.I will remember my friends and acquaintances and idols， and I will wish them the best of luck in life.

The envelope that has yet to reach my house will not be a letter， but rather a decision that I will make with my life. I am confused， as are most people my age around this time but I will not look back.I will only look forward tomorrow and greet each day， wherever I am with a smile.