There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to Fortune--But most of us catch our watered stock on the ebb.

UMBRELLA A good thing to put up in a shower--or pawn-shop; but, like skating, never seen after Lent.

UNBOSOMED A shirt just returned from a steam laundry.

UNION An ailing individual frequently troubled by scabs and liable to strike without warning.

UMPIRE No jeweler, but a high authority on diamonds.

USHER One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

VACCINATION Where "jabbing the needle" is never a vice.

VAUDEVILLE From Lat. vaut, good for, and villageois, countryman.

Good for countrymen.

VERANDA An open-air enclosure often used as a spoon-holder.

VEST A waistcoat sold at halfprice.

VIRTUE A quality oftentimes associated with intelligence, but rarely with beauty.

VULGARITY The conduct of others.

A rolling stone gathers no moss--except at roulette.