推薦序一

Parenting at a time of massive changes becomes even more important than ever before. But what is good parenting at this time in history. The author has a keen understanding of parenting in our present stage of development. You will notice that the first focus is on the parents themselves. How will they manage their attitudes, their feelings, their expectations and their perceptions is a major pre-requisite of being a good parent. Modelling kindness, acceptance, appreciation and responsibility is part of being a modern day successful parent.

Moving from only complaining, judging, criticizing to accepting everything without boundaries has not worked either. One needs to accept the child, the being part, and help the child on the doing part. For example,“I love you but I don’t like what you are doing”is an excellent approach in parenting.

The book has so many valuable insights on how to be a great parent starting with oneself, then building a positive, caring relationship and finally guiding the child by example.

If possible stop comparing your child negatively with other children. That creates a symptom of never being good enough. Don’t make your child the victim of perfectionism! What a great chapter. Please also notice the importance of trying beyond the edge of comfort without making the goal an impossibility.

All in all the book is excellent and very timely including how to prepare the first child for arrival of the second child now that parents are allowed to have a second child. I wish you happy and successful parenting.

Top international master of the Satir Model

Founder of the Satir Institute of the Pacific

Director of the International Family Therapy Association

Honorary consultant of the Satir Institute of China

Co-author of The Satir Model and Beyond

Visiting Professor of Beijing Normal University

John Banmen

譯文：

在這個瞬息萬變的時代，父母如何教養孩子變得比以前任何時候都更為重要。那么在這一歷史時期，什么才算是好的教養方式呢？作者對于當前的教養問題有著敏銳的洞察力，她把焦點放在父母身上，而不是孩子身上。父母如何正確看待自己的教養態度、情感、期待和觀念，是成為好父母的首要條件。和善、接納、賞識和責任是當今社會成功父母的幾大特質。

從簡單的抱怨、評判、指責孩子，到毫無原則地縱容孩子，這些方法都無法真正地培養出優秀的孩子。父母需要接納孩子的生命本身，但要幫助孩子約束自己的不當行為。例如“我愛你，但我不喜歡你做事的方式”，就是一種很棒的教養方式。

本書提出了極有價值的觀點，即要想成為優秀的父母，首先要做好自己，然后再跟孩子建立積極、親密的親子關系，并以身作則地去引領孩子的成長。

請不要拿自己的孩子跟其他的孩子做比較，那樣會讓自己的孩子失去自信。“別讓你的完美主義害了孩子”，多么棒的一章內容！作者還提醒家長，應該讓孩子了解超出行為邊界所帶來的后果，這一點很重要。

總之，本書的內容非常出色。此外，考慮到中國的兩孩家庭越來越多，在本書的最后，作者還及時地分析了如何讓大寶接受二寶的問題，能夠為父母提供行之有效的指導。希望你們都能成為快樂、優秀的父母！

國際頂尖薩提亞模式治療大師

太平洋國際薩提亞學院創辦人

國際家庭治療聯合會董事

貝曼薩提亞中國管理中心主席

《薩提亞的家庭治療模式》合著者

北京師范大學客座教授

約翰·貝曼

2016年5月