Secrets Every Achiever Knows

佚名/Anonymous

1982年10月，在紐約城舉行的馬拉松賽中，一位25歲的女子跑完了全程。你可能覺得這沒什么大不了的，如果你知道琳達·唐的情況，就不會這么認為了。琳達·唐患有腦癱，她是第一位依靠拐杖完成26.2英里賽跑的女人。唐摔倒了很多次，但她毅然堅持跑下去，終于在比賽開始11個小時后到達終點。她身體的殘疾影響了速度，但絲毫沒有削弱她的決心。

亨利·沃德茲華斯·朗費羅曾說：“開始是偉大的藝術，而更為偉大的是結束。”如果人人都有一個能幫助自己達到目標的神，那該多好啊！遺憾的是，沒有這樣的神。我們所擁有的內在動力，就叫做自律，而這種自律需要我們付出巨大的代價。潘得瑞·伍斯基的一場演出結束后，一位狂熱崇拜者對他說：“我要想彈這么好，需要彈一輩子。”這位才華橫溢的鋼琴家回答道：“我正是這么做的。”

成就往往帶有欺騙性，因為它背后的痛苦和堅忍，我們往往看不到。所以，我們常常把成就歸結于頭腦聰明、身體好或運氣佳。別再自尋煩惱了，這三個方面我們都無法達到，我們自身某些努力的背后就有著成功的潛質，連續不斷的練習并不能使我們成為鋼琴家。只有堅定的意志，全身心地付出，才能達到目的。

如何做到堅韌不拔呢？沒有簡單速成的辦法。我總結出了一種讓我多次從困境中解脫出來的思維模式，以下是其基本要點：

“不”的力量

它和意志力同等重要。中國古代思想家孟子說過：“人必須有所取舍，這樣他們才能集中精力做好該做的事。”

自律意味著選擇

確定一個目標，就等于放棄了追求其他目標。任何成功都要付出代價。成功就是我們鎖定的目標，而其中伴隨的代價并非我們所追求的。著名的烏克蘭美籍男中音歌唱家埃戈·格里，講述了他早期學歌的經歷。他喜歡吸煙，一天，教授對他說：“埃戈，你是想成為一名偉大的歌唱家還是一個煙鬼，你得擇其一，不能兩個都選。”從那以后，他不再吸煙了。

遲到的喜悅

暢銷書《捷徑》的作者斯考特·派克是這樣形容他的自律方法的：“這是一個合理安排苦樂時序的過程。這一過程使我們由苦及甜，從而讓幸福升級。”

這也許囊括了平日生活中的大小決定，譬如放棄喜愛的晚間電視節目，早早上床休息，以便有清醒的頭腦和飽滿的精神參加第二天的會議。即使這樣的小決定，或許也要堅持不懈。一個帶著三個孩子的年輕寡婦決定讓自己接受大學教育。她知道自己經濟困窘，又沒有多余時間，但她認為，這些犧牲與學歷所帶來的機會相比微不足道。如今，她已是擁有高薪的財務顧問了。

做到如此全身心投入的秘訣，是從繁重乏味中看到希望。“事實上，很多有價值的努力毫無樂趣可言”，辛迪加廣播電臺和電視評論員默特·克萊姆說，“的確，只工作、不休息會讓人變成傻子。但想讓每項工作都充滿樂趣，只會遭遇更為驚駭的磨難，因為生活——即使是最具價值的一面——也有枯燥乏味的時候。我熱愛自己的記者工作，雖然這工作并不總是充滿樂趣，但我知足了。”

保持平衡

不要把自律和千篇一律混為一談。完美并非我們追求的目標；掌控自己，從而保持平和的心態才是目的。

每個人都需要休息，工作之余，外出散散步或吃點兒東西。無論是哪種，只要能使我們精力充沛，恢復活力就行，但休息時間不要過長。這種勞逸結合的方式能讓人精神煥發，也能更好地激勵人們做好自己的工作。

要真正做到自律，就需要在自我調控上下功夫，而不是一味地拼命盲行。要知道，自律本身也需要管理。

自我發展

自律的人更快樂，因為他們內心的潛在需求得到了滿足。在我的一個研討會上，一位女士告訴我，她6歲的女兒參加了一支游泳隊，每天早上練習1小時，游2000～3000米。她還說起了她女兒和家里一個朋友的對話。

“你喜歡游泳嗎？”那個朋友問。

“當然，我很喜歡。”

“游泳好玩嗎？”

“不好玩！”

一個6歲大的孩子已經領悟到了大人們未曾體會到的東西，即自律和自我發展的樂趣。遺憾的是，自律一詞往往令人生畏，聽起來給人一種受限制和懲罰的感覺——就像一個不稱職的長官偷偷溜到我們身旁，審查遵紀守法的狀況。真正的自律不是困擾在心頭的勢在必行之事，它就在你身旁，時刻催你奮進。你一旦明白，自律不是自虐，而是關愛自己，那么，你便會著力培養它，而不會退避三舍。

查爾斯·波斯威爾曾是阿拉巴馬大學的一位足球明星，他想成為一名職業棒球運動員，但在“二戰”期間雙目失明了，但這并未阻止他“17次成為全國盲人高爾夫球賽的冠軍”。他曾說：“我從不計較失去的東西，我只在乎現在擁有的。”這就是自我發展，即自律。

改變習慣策略

很多人之所以失敗，是因為他們總想用自己都厭煩的行為來替代壞習慣。

不止一個人這樣跟我講，他們想吃健康食品，但又不愿放棄可口的垃圾食品。他們應該考慮自己能吃什么，而不是不能吃什么。果汁加礦泉水是高熱量軟飲料的極好替代品，全麥和炸水果等點心絲毫不比糖果遜色。

改掉老習慣并非易事。研討會上，一個很胖的女人走過來對我說：“我缺乏自律，控制不了飲食，房間總是亂七八糟，感覺自己就像邋遢的懶漢。”我告訴她，她并非毫無自律性。“你參加了這次會議，每個階段都及時到場，況且你還衣著整潔呢。”她笑了，我接著補充道，“你減肥不成功或沒把房間整理好，或許有其他原因吧。”

之后，我發現她果真有難言之隱。她一年前就成了寡婦。丈夫是一個酒鬼，結婚24年里，他經常辱罵她。她從未想過，一個糟糕的自我形象讓她不能積極有效地改變現狀。意識到這一點，她就開始尋求專業意見，采取措施給生活注入一些自律成分。同時，她的一些朋友也提出去她家幫忙清理屋子，這讓她更堅定了改掉壞習慣的決心。

集中注意力解決關鍵問題

記得上學時，媽媽每天都喊：“起床了！”我在被子里痛苦地掙扎到最后一刻，把媽媽也惹惱了。后來，我離家上大學，就得自己起床了。最后，我厭倦了和起床作斗爭，決定鬧鐘一響就爬起來——僅僅是我想這么做，并沒考慮自己的感受。這種方法很奏效，從那以后，我正常起床了。

《感覺良好，新心理療法》的作者大衛·伯恩斯在這本書中寫道：“先有行動，后有動機。你得先給水泵注水，讓它啟動起來。如果想等到有心情時再做，那不知要等到什么時候。”不想做某事時，你可能會先把它放一放，但我們往往會在投身于做這件事后才會勁頭十足。

自律是習慣的形成過程。它的益處很多，自律行為由少及多，久而久之，便形成了習慣。一旦徹底克服了舊習性，你就會感覺更好。自律時——無論是身體上，還是精神上——我們都處于最佳狀態。

In October 1982， a 25-year-old woman finished the New York City Marathon. No big deal—until you learn that Linda Down has cerebral palsy and was the first woman ever to complete the 26.2-mile race on crutches. Down fell half a dozen times， but kept going until she crossed the finish line， 11 hours after she started. Her handicap limited her speed but not her determination.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once wrote："Great is the art of beginning， but greater the art is of ending." How nice it would be if we all had a genie who could help us finish what we begin. Unfortunately， we don't. But what we do have is a dynamic called discipline—which extracts a high price. Following one of Paderewski's performances， a fan said to him， "I'd give my life to play like that." The brilliant pianist replied， "I did."

Accomplishment is often deceptive because we don't see the pain and perseverance that produced it. So we may credit the achiever with brains， brawn or lucky breaks， and let ourselves off the hook because we fall short in all three. Not that we could all be concert pianists just by exercising enough discipline. Rather， each of us has the makings of success in some endeavor， but we will achieve this only if we apply our wills and work at it.

How can we acquire stick-at-itiveness？ There is no simple， fast formula. But I have developed a way of thinking that has rescued my own vacillating will more than once. Here are the basic elements：

"Don't" power

This is as important as willpower. The ancient Chinese philosopher Mencius said， "Men must be decided on what they will not do， and then they are able to act with vigor in what they ought to do."

Discipline means choices

Every time you say yes to a goal or objective， you say not many more. Every prize has its price. The prize is the yes； the price is the no. Igor Gorin， the noted Ukrainian-American baritone， told of his early days studying voice. He loved to smoke a pipe， but one day his professor said， "Igor， you will have to make up your mind whether you are going to be a great singer， or a great pipe-smoker， you cannot be both. "So the pipe went.

Delayed gratification

M. Scott Peck， M.D.， author of the best-seller The Road Less Traveled， describes this tool of discipline as "a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with."

This might involve routine daily decisions—something as simple as skipping a favorite late-night TV show and getting to bed early， to be wide awake for a meeting the next morning. Or it might involve longer-term resolves. A young widow with three children decided to invest her insurance settlement in a college education for herself. She considered the realities of a tight budget and little free time， but these seemed small sacrifices in return for the doors that a degree would open. Today she is a highly paid financial consultant.

The secret of such commitment is getting past the drudgery and seeing the delight. "The fact is that many worthwhile endeavors aren't fun，" says syndicated radio and TV commentator Mort Crim， "True， all work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. But trying to turn everything we do into play makes for terrible frustrations， because life—even the most rewarding one—includes circumstances that aren't fun at all. I like my job as a journalist. It's personally satisfying， but it isn't always fun."

Achieving a balance

Never confuse discipline with rigidity. Perfection is not the aim； rather， strive for the peace of mind that comes from being in charge of yourself.

Most of us need interludes in our work to take a walk or eat snack—whatever revives and refreshes. Your breathers don't need to be lengthy to shake out the cobwebs and give some relief. Such rewards act as incentives for finishing a task， as well as helping you to maintain momentum.

True discipline achieves a balance of producing， not driving. Even discipline needs to be disciplined.

Self-development

Disciplined people are happier people because they are fulfilling inner potential. A woman at one of my seminars told me about her six-year-old daughter who swam with a team and practiced every morning for an hour， swimming 2000 to 3000 meters， she related a conversation her daughter had with a family friend.

"Do you like swimming？" the friend asked.

"Yes， I love it."

"Is it fun？"

"No！"

That six-year-old had learned what many adults never experience： the joy of discipline and self-development. Unfortunately， the very word discipline puts us off because it sounds restrictive and punitive—like a truant officer stalking us to make sure we toe the line. True discipline isn't on your back needling you with imperatives； it is at your side， nudging you with incentives. When you understand that discipline is self-caring， not self-castigating， you won't cringe at its mention， but will cultivate it.

Charley Boswell， a former University of Alabama football star with hopes of a professional baseball career， lost his eyesight in World War II， but that didn't stop him "to become the National Blind Golf Champion 17 times". He was quoted as saying， "I never count what I've lost. I only count what I have left." That is self-development—that is discipline.

Habit-changing strategies

Many a person's downfall comes in trying to change a bad habit by focusing on an undesirable behavior to replace it.

Countless people tell me they would like to eat better but don't want to "give up" tasty food. Rather than thinking about what they can't have， they should think about what they can eat. Fruit juice with sparkling mineral water is a delicious substitute for high-calorie soft drinks； snacks and cookies prepared with whole grains and fried fruits give candy bars good competition.

It isn't easy to change old habits. An overweight woman came to me during a seminar and said， "I'm so undisciplined. I can't stick to a diet and my house is always a mess. I feel like a slob." I told her she wasn't totally undisciplined. "You made it to this conference. You arrive promptly at each session， and you are neatly dressed." She almost smiled， and then I added， "There's probably a reason why you haven't been able to lose weight or get your home in order."

Later， I found out there was a big reason. She was widowed a year before. Her husband had been an alcoholic who verbally abused her all 24 years of their marriage. It never occurred to her that a poor self-image was keeping her from effecting positive changes. With this realization， she took the next step in bringing more discipline to her life—by going for counseling. Meanwhile， some of her friends offered to come to her house and help her clean up， putting her even more solidly on a habit-changing course.

Mind over matter

I remember my school days and Mom's regular reveille："Time to get up！" I agonized in bed until the last minute and ran my mother's patience short. Then I went away to college and had to get myself up. Finally， tired of waging war with waking， I decided that when the alarm rang， I would rise—just because I wanted to， regardless of how I felt. It has worked ever since.

In Feeling Good， The New Mood Therapy David D. Burns， M.D.， writes："Motivation does not come first， action does！ You have to prime the pump. If you wait until you're in the mood， you may wait forever." When you don't feel like doing something， you tend to put it off， but it's often after we get involved in a task that we become highly motivated.

Discipline is habit-forming. A little leads to more， because the benefits prove increasingly desirable. When you finally overcome inertia， you will feel better all around. We are at our best—physically and mentally—when we are disciplined.