你精神正常嗎？

The doctor lives downstairs

“Doctor，” she said loudly，bouncing into the room，“I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me.”

He surveyed her from head to foot. “Madam，” he said at length，“I've just three things to tell you. First，your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second，your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third，I'm an artist，the doctor lives downstairs.”

醫生住在樓下

“醫生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。

“我想讓你坦率地告訴我，我到底得了什么病。”

他從頭到腳打量了她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的相貌將會變美。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下?！?

Are you a normal person？

During a visit to the mental asylum，a visitor asked the director，“What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized？” “Well...” said the director，“we fill up a bathtub，and we offer a teaspoon，a teacup，and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.” “Oh，I understand，” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.” “Noooooooo！” answered the director. “A normal person would pull the plug.”

你精神正常嗎？

一個參觀者在參觀一所精神病院的時候問院長，“你們是用什么標準來決定一個人是否應該進精神病院呢？” “哦… …”院長說，“是這樣，我們先給一個浴缸放滿水，然后我們給病人一個茶匙，一個茶杯和一個水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清?！?“哦，我明白了”，參觀者說，“正常人會選擇水桶，因為水桶比茶匙和茶杯的容積大?！?“錯了”，院長回答道，“正常人會把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

Who's going deaf？

A man tells a doctor，“I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do？”

The doctor says，“Well，try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer，move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is.”

The man goes home，sees his wife and says，“Hi honey，what's for dinner？” He doesn't hear an answer，so he moves closer. “Honey，what's for dinner？” He repeats this several times，until he's standing right next to her.

Finally，she answers，“For the tenth time，I said we're having Pot Roast！”

誰要聾了？

丈夫告訴醫生：“我想我的妻子快要聾了，我可以做些什么呢？”

醫生告訴他：“嗯，先嘗試測測她的聽力吧。站在離她有一段距離的地方，問一個問題，如果她沒有回答，走近一點再問一遍。一直重復直到她回答為止。這樣我們就可以知道情況有多糟了。”

丈夫回到家，看見妻子便問：“親愛的，晚餐吃什么？”他沒有聽到回答，于是走近一點再問：“親愛的，晚餐吃什么呢？”這樣重復了好幾次，直到他就站在妻子旁邊了。

終于，她回答了：“這是第十次了，我說我們吃燉肉！”

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist：What's your problem？

Patient：I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist：How long has this been going on？

Patient：Ever since I was an egg！

我想我是一只雞

精神病醫師：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我認為我是一只雞。

精神病醫師：這種情況從什么時候開始的？

病人：從我還是一只蛋的時候開始。

單詞&詞組

frankly [5frANkli] adv.坦白地，真誠地

survey [sE：5vei] n.測量，調查，俯瞰

rouge [ru：V] n.口紅，胭脂，

lipstick [5lipstik] n.口紅，唇膏

asylum [E5sailEm] n.庇護，救濟院，精神病院

criterion [krai5tiEriEn] n.（評判的）標準，尺度

plug [plQ^] vt.堵，塞，插上，插栓

deaf [def] adj.聾的

知道不知道

曬曬和nut有關的詞匯和口語里常用到的句子吧：

nut堅果，瘋子，頭，螺母

walnut核桃

peanut花生

chestnut板栗

cashew腰果

almond杏仁

pistachio開心果

hazelnut榛子

nutcracker胡桃夾子

a hard nut to crack難以對付的人或者事

be nuts about對……瘋狂著迷

it costs peanuts.很便宜。

第一章 Open one eye and close one eye

睜一只眼，閉一只眼

Wife：You see. According to the statistics on the paper，80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.

Husband：It's okay. To my investigation，all these people eat meals.

妻子：你看這張報紙，據統計，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。

丈夫：那有什么？據我調查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯的。

One day，Eve asked Adam，“Do you really love me？”

Adam said helplessly，“Do I have any other choice？”

一天，夏娃問亞當：“你當真愛我嗎？”

亞當無可奈何地回答：“我還有別的選擇嗎？”

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks，“What was that for？”She says，“I found a piece of paper in your pocket with‘Betty Sue’written on it.”He says，“Jeez，honey，‘Betty Sue’was the name of the horse I bet on.” She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks，“What was that for？”She answers，“Your horse called.”

一個家伙正在看報紙，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。他問道：“這是為什么？”她說：“我在你口袋里發現了一張寫有‘Betty Sue’的紙條?！彼f：“哎呀，親愛的，‘Betty Sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字?！彼柫寺柤纾吡?。

三天后，他正在看報紙，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。他問：“這又是為什么？”她答道：“你的馬打電話來了。”

Wife talking to her husband （who reads the newspaper all day） ：“I wish I were a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day. ”

Husband：“I wish that too，so I could change you daily. ”

妻子對整天坐在那里看報紙的丈夫說：“我希望我就是報紙，這樣你就可以整天把我捧在手上了?！?

丈夫說：“我也希望你是報紙，那樣的話我可以天天換新的?！?

A：What would you do if you find your husband date with another woman？

B：I'll open one eye and close one eye .

A：How kind you are！

B：No ，I 'll shoot him！

A：如果你發現你丈夫與別的女人約會你會怎么做？

B：我會睜一只眼，閉一只眼。

A：你太善良了！

B：不，我要射死他！

Why is he howling

Dentist：Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.

Patient：I know，but you are standing on my foot！

他為什么喊

牙醫：請你不要再喊了！我還沒碰你的牙呢。

病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀！

單詞&詞組

according to依照

Investigation [in7vesti5^eiFEn] n.調查，研究

smack [smAk] n.滋味，風味，拍擊聲

bet on 打賭

frying pan煎鍋，長柄平鍋

call [kC：l] n.打電話，喊聲，叫聲，命令

change [tFeindV] n.改變，變化，找回的零錢，

date [deit] n.日期，約會

shoot [Fu：t] n.射擊，發射，攝影

howl [haul] n.嚎叫，怒吼，嚎啕大哭

touch [tQtF] n.觸覺，接觸，觸摸

知道不知道

上帝在東方造了一個伊甸園，并給里面配上了許多種活物。園中央有兩棵樹：生命樹與智慧樹。上帝造了亞當，讓他去園中，告訴他說，除生命樹和智慧樹上的果子外，其他果子他都能吃。上帝派所有動物到亞當那里，亞當就給所有動物取了名。之后，上帝就讓亞當好好睡一覺。亞當睡覺的時候，上帝取下他的一根肋骨，用這根骨頭造了夏娃，這樣，亞當就不會孤單了。亞當和夏娃光著身體，很幸福地生活在伊甸園里，與上帝和諧相處。