Love Is Not Like Merchandise

佚名/Anonymous

佛羅里達州的一位讀者寫信來抱怨說：“如果我偷走了價值五分錢的商品，我就是一個賊，但是，如果我偷走了別人妻子的愛，卻能安然無恙。”顯然，他有悲傷的記憶。

這種誤解在很多人心中普遍存在——愛情像商品一樣，可以被“偷走”。事實上，很多州已經頒布了法律，允許索取“情感轉讓”損失費。

但是，愛情不是商品，真正的情感不可能買賣、交易或者偷走。它是一種自愿行為，是情感的一種轉變，是個人思想的一種變革。

當一個人的丈夫或妻子被另一個人“偷走”，其實，丈夫或妻子被偷的條件已經成熟，已經準備偏向新的伴侶。這個“愛的劫匪”只不過是拿走了正等著人來拿，想被人拿走的東西而已。

我們總是把人像商品一樣對待。我們甚至說孩子“屬于”他們的父母，但是，誰也不屬于任何人。孩子只是托給父母照管，而且，如果他們的父母不能很好地對待他們，州政府有權剝奪他們對孩子的監護權。

年輕的時候，我們大多數人都經歷過戀人被更有魅力和吸引力的人奪走的痛苦經歷。那時，我們對這個插足者痛恨不已。但是，隨著年齡慢慢增長，我們就會意識到，戀人從一開始就不屬于我們，導致決裂的不是插足者，而是兩人之間缺乏真正的感情。

從表面看來，很多婚姻的破裂似乎是因為“第三者”插足。然而，這不過是一種心理上的幻覺。女人或男人，只不過是為解除名存實亡的婚姻找的一個借口罷了。

A reader in Florida， apparently bruised by some personal experience， writes in to complain， "If I steal a nickel's worth of merchandise， I am a thief and punished； but if I steal the love of another's wife， I am free."

This is a prevalent misconception in many people's minds— that love， like merchandise， can be "stolen". Numerous states， in fact， have enacted laws allowing damages for "alienation of affections".

But love is not a commodity； the real thing cannot be bought， sold， traded or stolen. It is an act of the will， a turning of the emotions， a change in the climate of the personality.

When a husband or wife is "stolen" by another person， that husband or wife was already ripe for the stealing， and was already predisposed toward a new partner. The "love bandit" was only taking what was waiting to be taken， what wanted to be taken.

We tend to treat persons like goods. We even speak of children "belonging" to their parents. But nobody "belongs" to anyone else. Children are entrusted to their parents， and if their parents do not treat them properly， the state has a right to remove them from their parents'trusteeship.

Most of us， when young， had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time， we may have resented this intruder—but as we grew older， we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that "caused" the break， but the lack of a real relationship.

On the surface， many marriages seem to break up because of a "third party". This is， however， a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity.