A word to the wise is useless.

EAGLE The national bird of a Christian country; (the United States.) Presumably chosen on account of its being a bird of pray.

EARL A title of nobility.

EARLY A title of stupidity. See old saw, "Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man a farmer!"

EARTH A solid substance, much desired by the seasick.

ECHO The only thing that can cheat a woman out of the last word.

ECONOMY Denying ourselves a necessary today in order to buy a luxury to-morrow.

EGG A wholesome, yet fowl, product, of no use until broken.

Sometimes a cure for indigestion or bad acting.

ELECTION A periodical picnic for the American People. Held in booths, where the Voter puts in his ballot, and The Machine elects whatever it chooses. A day when the lowliest may make their mark and even beggars may ride; when the Glad Mit gets promiscuous and everything is full--particularly the lodging-houses.

ENCORE A greedy theatre-goer's desire to get more than his money's worth. From the Fr. en, among, and cochon, pig,--common among pigs.

ENGAGEMENT In war, a battle. In love, the salubrious calm that precedes the real hostilities.

ENTHUSIAST One who preaches four times as much as he believes and believes four times as much as a sane man ought to.

EPITAPH A statement that usually lies above about the one who lies beneath.

EQUATOR An imaginary line around the earth. Recently held by J.

P. Morgan.

ERR To make a mistake.

ERRATIC Full of mistakes.

ETHER One of the world's three great composers--the others being Gas and Chloroform--whose airs are popular among the suffering.

ETIQUETTE A convenient code of conduct which makes Lying a virtue and Snobbishness a righteous deed.

EVOLUTION A clever trick performed by one Darwin, who made a monkey of Adam.

EXCURSION From ex, former, and Grk. kairo, to enjoy. Hence, a tiresome journey--formerly an enjoyment--sold at half price.

EXERCISE Bodily exertion requiring a $10,000 gymnasium, a ten-acre lot and impossible raiment. Originally confined to the wash-tub and the wood-pile.

EXPANSION A combination of Grand Larceny and Piracy, involving the destruction of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.--Boston. The benevolent assimilation of previously oppressed peoples.--Washington, D.C. A doubtful commercial experiment.--Wall Street. The white man's burden.--Kipling.

EXPLOSION A good chance to begin at the bottom and work up.

EXPOSITION An overgrown Department Store, usually opened a year or two behind time.

It's never too late to spend.