[美]約翰.格雷/John Gray

設(shè)想男人是從火星上來的，女人是從金星上來的。

很久以前的一天，火星人用望遠(yuǎn)鏡眺望遠(yuǎn)方時，發(fā)現(xiàn)了金星人，這匆匆一瞥把火星人心中沉睡的感情喚醒了。他們對這種感情從不知曉。墜入愛河的火星人很快發(fā)明了太空旅行，飛往金星。金星上的女人們張開雙臂迎接他們的到來?；鹦悄腥伺c金星女人之間的愛情真是奇妙。他們一起愉快地生活，一起工作，同甘共苦，他們都忘了彼此是來自不同的星球，忘了本應(yīng)具有的差異。一天早晨，火星人和金星人完全忘卻了彼此的不同，也就是從那天起，沖突開始在男人與女人之間發(fā)生。

女人抱怨男人最多的是男人不會傾聽。當(dāng)女人說話時，男人不是完全不理睬，就是稍聽片刻，掂量一下困擾女人的問題，然后自傲地拋給女人一個解決的辦法以安慰她就算了事。無論女人抱怨了多少次，說他沒有傾聽，他就是不懂，依然故技重演。女人需要同情，可男人以為她需要的是解決辦法。

男人最常抱怨女人總試圖改造自己。女人愛上男人時，便覺得幫助他成長是自己的責(zé)任，并盡力想幫助男人改進(jìn)做事的方式。女人成立了家庭促進(jìn)會，而改進(jìn)男人就是它的首要目標(biāo)。無論男人怎樣拒絕她的幫助，女人都一再堅持，伺機(jī)幫助他或是告訴他該做什么。女人認(rèn)為自己是在調(diào)教男人，而男人卻覺得自己被控制了。男人崇尚權(quán)力、個人能力和成功。他們本是以取得成功的能力作為給自己的定義的。對他們而言，實現(xiàn)目標(biāo)舉足輕重，因為這能證明他們自身

的能力，會讓他們有良好的感覺。而男人要想建立良好的自我感覺，就必須獨(dú)立自主地取得種種成功。在男人看來，女人自作主張?zhí)岢龅慕ㄗh就是認(rèn)為他們不知道該做什么，不能憑獨(dú)自的力量獲取勝利。

他們對此很惱火，因為個人能力對于他們非常重要。然而，如果男人確實需要幫助，取得幫助也是明智之舉。在這種情況下，他會和一位他所敬重的人談?wù)撟约旱睦щy。男人談?wù)摾щy就是請求他人提供建議。被請求的人因此會頗感榮幸，并順其自然地抒發(fā)感想，聽對方訴說，然后提供寶貴的建議。男人的這種習(xí)慣，在一定程度上導(dǎo)致了他們在傾聽女人談?wù)撟约旱那楦泻屠Щ髸r，本能地提供解決方案。

女人卻對這些不予重視。她們是在感情和與人相處的融洽程度，以及交流中確定自我感覺的。女人在訴說感情和彼此聯(lián)系中獲得滿足。交流對于她們至關(guān)重要，分擔(dān)私人感情比達(dá)到目的要重要得多，讓她們獲得滿足感的巨大源泉之一就是交談與聯(lián)系。男人看重的是目的，女人看重的是關(guān)系。她們更注重表達(dá)善意、友愛和關(guān)懷。女人具有敏銳的直覺，能處處為他人的需求和情感著想是她們引以為豪的事。主動向同伴提供幫助被她們看成是偉大的愛的展示。女人不洞悉男人的天性，就很容易在不知不覺中傷害了自己所摯愛的男人。

愛情神奇而微妙，只有記住男女之間的差異，愛情才會持久。

Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.One day，long ago，the Martians，looking through their telescopes，discovered the Venusians.Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known.They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus.The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms.The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical.They delighted in being together，doing things together and sharing together.Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets，and were supposed to be different.And one morning，everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory.And since that day，men and women have been in conflict.The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen.Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks，or he listens for a few beats，assesses what’s bothering her，and then he proudly puts on his Mr.Fix-it hat，and offers her a solution to make her feel better.

No matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening，he doesn’t get it，and he keeps doing the same thing.She wants sympathy，he thinks she wants solutions.The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them.When a woman loves a man，she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things.She forms the Home Improvement Committee，and he becomes her primary focus.

No matter how much he resists her help，she persists，waiting for an opportunity to help him or to tell him what to do.She thinks she’s nurturing him，while he feels he’s being controlled.Martians value power，competency，efficiency，and achievement.Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results.Achieving goals is very important to a Martian，because it’s the way for him to prove his competence and thus feel good about himself.And for him to feel good about himself，he must achieve these goals alone，by himself.To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.Men are very touchy about this，because the issue of competence is so very important to them.However，if he truly does need help，then it’s a sign of wisdom to get it.In this case，he’ll find someone he respects and then talk about his problem.Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice.

Another Martian feels honored by the opportunity.Automatically，he puts on his Mr.Fixit hat，listens for a few beats，and then offers some jewels of advice.

This Martian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when a woman talks about her feelings or about her problems.Venusians have different values.Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships and their communication.They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.Communication is of primary importance.To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals or success.Talking and relating to one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment.Instead of being goal-oriented，women are relationshiporiented.They are more concerned with expressing their goodness，their love，their caring.Venusians are very intuitive.They pride themselves on being considerate of the needs and feelings of others.A sign of great love is to offer help and assistance to another Venusian without even being asked.Without this insight into the nature of men，it’s very easy for a woman to unknowingly and unintentionally hurt and offend the man she loves most.Love is magical，and it can last if we remember our differences.