第1章　這樣做你就會(huì)到處受歡迎

為什么要通過讀本書來學(xué)習(xí)如何贏得朋友呢？為什么不向世界上最善于交友的人學(xué)習(xí)這種技巧呢？他又是誰？當(dāng)你明天走到街上時(shí)，你也許會(huì)遇到他。當(dāng)你走到距他10英尺之內(nèi)的地方時(shí)，他就會(huì)開始搖尾巴。如果你停下來輕輕地?fù)崦蜁?huì)異常高興地跳起來，向你表示他是多么喜歡你。而且你也知道，在他這種親熱表現(xiàn)的背后，并沒有其他的目的：他并不是想將一塊地產(chǎn)推銷給你，也不是要和你結(jié)婚。

你是否曾靜下心來想過，狗是唯一不需要為生活而工作的動(dòng)物呢？母雞需要下蛋、母牛需要產(chǎn)奶、金絲雀必須唱歌。而狗只需要把它的愛給你，就可以生活無憂。

當(dāng)我5歲的時(shí)候，我父親花50美分給我買了一只小黃毛狗。它是我童年時(shí)代的光明和快樂源泉。每天下午大約4點(diǎn)半，它就會(huì)坐在院子前面，用它那美麗的眼睛靜靜地望著小道，只要一聽到我的聲音，或看見我晃著飯盒穿過矮樹林時(shí)，它就會(huì)像箭一般，氣喘吁吁地跑上小山，又跳又叫地歡迎我。蒂比和我做了5年的好朋友。然后，在一個(gè)悲慘的晚上——我永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)忘記的晚上——在離我10

divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them. Of course, it doesn't work.People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner. The New York Telephone Company made a derailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. You have guessed it: it is the personal pronoun “I.”“I.”“I.” It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations.“I.”“I.”“I.”“I.” When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends.Friends, real friends, are not made that way.

Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled What Life Should Mean to You. In that book he says, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

You may read scores of erudite tomes on psychology without coming across a statement more significant for you and for me.Adler's statement is so rich with meaning that I am going to repeat it in italices: It is the individual who is not interested in his

英尺遠(yuǎn)的地方，它被電擊死了。蒂比的死是我童年時(shí)代的悲劇。

蒂比，你從來都沒有讀過心理學(xué)。你也不必去讀。你可以通過你的直覺知道這點(diǎn)。如果你真的關(guān)心別人，那么你在兩個(gè)月內(nèi)所交到的朋友要比一個(gè)總想讓別人關(guān)心他的人在兩年內(nèi)所交的朋友還要多。讓我再重復(fù)一遍：如果你關(guān)心別人，你在兩個(gè)月內(nèi)所交到的朋友會(huì)比一個(gè)總想讓別人關(guān)心他的人在兩年之內(nèi)所交的朋友還要多。

但是你和我都知道，有的人就是一輩子都難以醒悟過來，總是想讓別人對他們感興趣。當(dāng)然，這種方法是行不通的。因?yàn)閯e人并不在意你。他們對我也不關(guān)心。他們只關(guān)心自己——無論是在早晨、中午，還是晚上。紐約電話公司曾對電話中的談話內(nèi)容做過詳細(xì)研究，以了解哪些詞在電話中最常用。你已經(jīng)猜到了，那就是“我”“我”“我”。在500次電話談話中，這個(gè)詞曾被用過3900次。當(dāng)你看一張你也在里面的團(tuán)體照片時(shí)，你會(huì)先看誰呢？假如我們只想引起別人的注意，讓別人對我們留下印象，我們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)有許多真摯而誠懇的朋友。朋友，真正的朋友，不是用那種方法交來的。

維也納已故著名心理學(xué)家阿爾弗雷德·阿德勒寫過一本書叫《生活的意義》。在那本書中，他說：“對別人漠不關(guān)心的人，他的一生困難最多，對別人的傷害也最大。所有人類的失敗，都是由這些人造成的。”

fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

I once took a course in short-story writing at New York University, and during that course the editor of a leading magazine talked to our class. He said he could pick up any one of the dozens of stories that drifted across his desk every day and after reading a few paragraphs he could feel whether or not the author liked people.“If the author doesn't like people,” he said, “people won't like his or her stories.”

This hard-boiled editor stopped twice in the course of his talk on fiction writing and apologized for preaching a sermon.“I am telling you,” he said, “the same things your preacher would tell you, but remember, you have to be interested in people if you want to be a successful writer of stories.”

If that is true of writing fiction, you can be sure it is true of dealing with people face-to-face.

I spent an evening in the dressing room of Howard Thurston the last time he appeared on Broadway—Thurston was the acknowledged dean of magicians. For forty years he had traveled all over the world, time and again, creating illusions, mystifying audiences, and making people gasp with astonishment.More than 60 million people had paid admission to his show, and he had made almost$2 million in profit.

I asked Mr. Thurston to tell me the secret of his success. His schooling certainly had nothing to do with it, for he ran away from home as a small boy, became a hobo, rode in boxcars, slept in haystacks, begged his food from door to door, and learned to read by looking out of boxcars at signs along the railway.

你也許讀過幾十卷關(guān)于心理學(xué)方面的書，卻再也找不到比這句話對你和我更重要的了。阿德勒這句話太具有深意了，所以我重錄于下：“對別人漠不關(guān)心的人，他的一生困難最多，對別人的傷害也最大。所有人類的失敗，都是由這些人造成的。”

我曾在紐約大學(xué)選修一門關(guān)于短篇小說寫作的課。上課時(shí)，一家重要雜志的一位編輯為我們上課。他說當(dāng)他每天拿起桌子上堆著的幾十篇小說中的任何一篇，只需要讀完幾段，就能感覺出作者是否喜歡人。“如果作者不喜歡別人，”他說，“別人也不會(huì)喜歡他的小說。”

這位閱歷很深的編輯在他的講課中曾停下來兩次，為他所講的那些大道理道歉。“現(xiàn)在我告訴你們的，”他說，“和你們的牧師告訴你們的一樣。但是請記住，如果你要做一個(gè)成功的小說家，你必須關(guān)心別人。”

如果寫小說是那樣的話，那么在待人接物方面就更應(yīng)該如此了。

當(dāng)塞斯頓最后一次在百老匯演出時(shí)，我曾去他的化妝室待了一整晚——塞斯頓被認(rèn)為是“魔術(shù)之王”。他周游世界40年，一再創(chuàng)造出各種幻象，令觀眾如癡如醉，使人驚奇不已。總共有超過6000萬的人掏錢觀看他的表演，而他也得到了大約200萬美元的收入。

我請塞斯頓先生將他的成功秘訣告訴我。當(dāng)然，他的學(xué)校教育與此毫無關(guān)

Did he have a superior knowledge of magic? No, he told me hundreds of books had been written about legerdemain and scores of people knew as much about it as he did. But he had two things that the others didn't have.First, he had the ability to put his personality across the footlights. He was a master showman. He knew human nature. Everything he did, every gesture, every intonation of his voice, every lifting of an eyebrow had been carefully rehearsed in advance, and his actions were timed to split seconds. But, in addition to that, Thurston had a genuine interest in people. He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, “Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, a bunch of hicks; I'll fool them all right.” But Thurston's method was totally different. He told me that every time he went on stage he said to himself, “I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I'm going to give them the very best I possibly can.”

He declared he never stepped in front of the footlights without first saying to himself over and over, “I love my audience. I love my audience.” Ridiculous? Absurd? You are privileged to think anything you like. I am merely passing it on to you without comment as a recipe used by one of the most famous magicians of all time.

George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, was forced to retire from his service station business after thirty years when a new highway was constructed over the site of his station. It wasn't long before the idle days of retirement began to bore him, so he started filling in his time trying to play music on his old fiddle. Soon he was traveling the area to listen to music and talk with many of the accomplished fiddlers. In his humble and friendly way he became generally interested in learning the background and

系，因?yàn)樗谟啄陼r(shí)就離家出走，成了一個(gè)流浪兒，沿途搭乘貨車，睡在草堆上，一路上以乞討為生，靠坐在車上觀看鐵路沿線的標(biāo)識(shí)而學(xué)會(huì)了認(rèn)字。

是他的魔術(shù)知識(shí)高人一籌嗎？不是。他告訴我：關(guān)于魔術(shù)的書已經(jīng)有幾百種，而且有幾十個(gè)人知道的魔術(shù)同他一樣多。但他有兩點(diǎn)是其他人所沒有的。首先，他在舞臺(tái)上能夠展現(xiàn)自己的個(gè)性。他是一位表演天才，了解人類的天性。因此他的每個(gè)手勢、每種聲調(diào)、每一次提起眼眉，都是提前演習(xí)好了的，而他的每一個(gè)動(dòng)作也都配合得分秒不差。除此之外，塞斯頓還有一點(diǎn)就是對人有熱情。他告訴我，許多魔術(shù)家會(huì)面對觀眾，而對他們自己說：“好，那里是一群笨蛋，一群鄉(xiāng)巴佬。我可以把他們騙得團(tuán)團(tuán)轉(zhuǎn)。”但塞斯頓卻完全不同。他告訴我，每次上臺(tái)時(shí)，他都會(huì)對自己說：“我很感動(dòng)，因?yàn)檫@些人來看我的表演。是他們使我過上了舒適的生活。我一定盡力為他們演出最好的節(jié)目。”

他說他每次走到臺(tái)前時(shí)，總會(huì)對自己說：“我愛我的觀眾。我愛我的觀眾。”可笑嗎？荒誕不經(jīng)嗎？你怎么想都可以。但我只不過是不加評論地把有史以來最著名的魔術(shù)家所用的方法傳授給了你。

住在賓夕法尼亞州北華倫城的喬治·戴克，由于他的服務(wù)站被一條高速公路搶走了好位置而不得不提前退休。沒過多久，無聊的退休生活就讓他難以忍受，于是他開始演奏他那把舊小提琴來打發(fā)時(shí)日。不久，他到處旅行，到處聽音樂，

interests of every musician he met.Although he was not a great fiddler himself, he made many friends in this pursuit. He attended competitions and soon became known to the country music fans in the eastern part of the United States as “Uncle George, the Fiddle Scraper from Kinzua County.” When we heard Uncle George, he was seventy-two and enjoying every minute of his life. By having a sustained interest in other people, he created a new life for himself at a time when most people consider their productive years over.

That, too, was one of the secrets of Theodore Roosevelt's astonishing popularity. Even his servants loved him. His valet, James E.Amos, wrote a book about him entitled Theodore Roosevelt, Hero to His Valet. In that book Amos relates this illuminating incident:

My wife one time asked the President about a bobwhite. She had never seen one and he described it to her fully. Sometime later, the telephone at our cottage rang.[Amos and his wife lived in a little cottage on the Roosevelt estate at Oyster Bay.]My wife answered it and it was Mr.Roosevelt himself. He had called her, he said, to tell her that there was a bobwhite outside her window and that if she would look out she might see it.Little things like that were so characteristic of him. Whenever he went by our cottage, even though we were out of sight, we would hear him call out, “Oo-oo-oo, Annie?” or “Oo-oo-oo, James!” It was just a friendly greeting as he went by.

How could employees keep from liking a man like that? How could anyone keep from liking him?

Roosevelt called at the White House one day when the President and Mrs. Taft were

向那些修養(yǎng)極高的小提琴家請教。盡管他不是什么偉大的提琴家，但是他以謙虛友善的態(tài)度去了解別人，結(jié)交他所認(rèn)識(shí)的每一位音樂家，結(jié)果他交到了許多朋友。他去參加比賽，不久美國東部的那些鄉(xiāng)村音樂迷很快就知道了“來自金茲阿鄉(xiāng)村的拉小提琴的喬治叔叔”。這時(shí)喬治已經(jīng)72歲了，但他還在享受自己生命中的每一分鐘。由于對別人具有持續(xù)的熱情和興趣，當(dāng)大多數(shù)人都認(rèn)為他們已經(jīng)行將就木時(shí)，他卻為自己創(chuàng)造了一個(gè)嶄新的生命。

這也正是西奧多·羅斯福深受愛戴的秘訣之一。即使他的仆人也敬愛他。他的男仆詹姆斯·阿莫斯曾寫過一本關(guān)于他的書，名叫《西奧多·羅斯福，他仆人的英雄》。在那本書中，阿莫斯提到了一件很具有啟發(fā)性的事：

“有一次我妻子問總統(tǒng)鶉鳥的事。她從來沒有見過這種鳥。他給她作了詳細(xì)描述。過了沒多久，我屋里的電話響了（阿莫斯和他妻子住在牡蠣灣羅斯福住宅的一間小屋里）。我妻子去接電話，打電話的是羅斯福先生本人。他說他打來電話，就是要告訴她，在她的窗外正好有一只鶉鳥，如果她向窗外面看的話，也許可以看見它。許多這樣的小事情，正是他的特點(diǎn)。無論他什么時(shí)候經(jīng)過我們屋，雖然看不見我們，但我們總是能聽見他‘哦，哦，哦……安妮！’或‘哦，哦，哦……詹姆斯！’的招呼聲。那是他經(jīng)過我們時(shí)對我們的友善問候。”

作為仆人，怎么會(huì)不喜歡這樣的人呢？誰會(huì)不喜歡他呢？

away. His honest liking for humble people was shown by the fact that he greeted all the old White House servants by name, even the scullery maids.

“When he saw Alice, the kitchen maid,” writes Archie Butt, “he asked her if she still made corn bread. Alice told him that she sometimes made it for the servants, but no one ate it upstairs.

“‘they show bad taste，'Roosevelt boomed，‘a(chǎn)nd I'll tell the President so when I see him.'”

“Alice brought a piece to him on a plate, and he went over to the office eating it as he went and greeting gardeners and laborers as he passed...

“He addressed each person just as he had addressed them in the past. Ike Hoover, who had been head usher at the White House for forty years, said with tears in his eyes，‘It is the only happy day we had in nearly two years, and not one of us would exchange it for a hundred-dollar bill.'”

The same concern for the seemingly unimportant people helped sales representative Edward M. Sykes, Jr., of Chatham, New Jersey, retain an account.“Many years ago,” he reported, “I called on customers for Johnson and Johnson in the Massachusetts area. One account was a drugstore in Hingham. Whenever I went into this store I would always talk to the soda clerk and sales clerk for a few minutes before talking to the owner to obtain his order. One day I went up to the owner of the store, and he told me to leave as he was not interested in buying J&J products anymore because he felt they were concentrating their activities on food and discount stores to the detriment of the small drugstore. I left with my tail between my legs and drove around the town for several

有一天，羅斯福去白宮，恰好塔夫脫總統(tǒng)和夫人出去了。他那真誠地喜歡身份卑微者的善良品性這時(shí)得到了鮮明的表現(xiàn)：他向白宮所有原來當(dāng)差的伙伴們，甚至做雜務(wù)的女仆直呼姓名，向他們問好。

“當(dāng)他看見廚房的女仆艾麗斯時(shí)，”亞奇·巴特這樣寫道，“他問她是否還做玉米面包。艾麗斯告訴他說她有時(shí)候做給仆人們吃，但樓上已經(jīng)不再有人吃了。”

“‘他們沒口福，’羅斯福大聲說，‘等我見到總統(tǒng)時(shí)，我會(huì)告訴他。’

“艾麗斯拿了一塊玉米面包放在托盤上遞給他，他邊走邊吃，一直來到辦公室。當(dāng)走過那些園丁或工役面前時(shí)，便向他們問好……

“他向每個(gè)人問好，正如他從前所做的那樣。一個(gè)名叫艾克·胡福的人在白宮服務(wù)40年，他眼中含淚地說：‘這是我們最近兩年中唯一快樂的日子。我們誰都不會(huì)將它與一張100美元的鈔票交換。’”

也正是這種對普通人的關(guān)懷，新澤西州查特漢市一位銷售代表愛德華·賽克斯重新贏得了一筆生意。“許多年前，”賽克斯說，“在馬薩諸塞，我為強(qiáng)生公司前去拜訪一位客戶。這是一個(gè)住在印姆的雜貨店經(jīng)銷商。每次我去這家商店時(shí)，總是先和店伙計(jì)說幾句話，再和店主談?dòng)唵蔚氖隆Ｓ幸淮挝艺牒偷曛髡動(dòng)唵危蝗蛔屛易唛_，還說他再也不想買強(qiáng)生公司的東西了，因?yàn)樗X得強(qiáng)生公司幾乎將全部精力放在了食品店和折扣店上，而對小雜貨店造成了損害。我趕緊

hours.Finally, I decided to go back and try at least to explain our position to the owner of the store.

“When I returned I walked in and as usual said hello to the soda clerk and sales clerk. When I walked up to the owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back. He then gave me double the usual order. I looked at him with surprise and asked him what had happened since my visit only a few hours earlier. He pointed to the young man at the soda fountain and said that after I had left, the boy had come over and said that I was one of the few salespeople that called on the store that even bothered to say hello to him and to the others in the store. He told the owner that if any salesperson deserved his business, it was I. The owner agreed and remained a loyal customer. I never forgot that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess—for any person, for that matter.”

I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them. Let me illustrate.

Years ago I conducted a course in fiction writing at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts and Sciences, and we wanted such distinguished and busy authors as Kathleen Norris, Fannie Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Albert Payson Terhune and Rupert Hughes to come to Brooklyn and give us the benefit of their experiences. So we wrote them, saying we admired their work and were deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success.

Each of these letters was signed by about a hundred and fifty students. We said we

離開了，進(jìn)城兜了幾圈。后來我決定再返回去，因?yàn)槲抑辽俚孟虻曛鹘忉屢幌挛覀兊那闆r。

“我回來后，像平時(shí)一樣先和店伙計(jì)打了個(gè)招呼。我走近店主時(shí)，店主笑著歡迎我回來，并且給了我比平時(shí)多兩倍的訂單。我驚訝地看著他，問他我離開的幾個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)發(fā)生了什么事情。店主指著賣冷飲的店伙計(jì)說，我走之后，店伙計(jì)說我是少數(shù)向他和其他店伙計(jì)打招呼的推銷員。他告訴店主，如果有某人值得與其做生意的話，那就是我了。店主覺得也對，仍舊成為我忠實(shí)的客戶。我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)忘記，真心關(guān)注別人，會(huì)是推銷員應(yīng)擁有的最重要的品格——對任何人都一樣，不只是就這件事來說如此。”

我從個(gè)人的經(jīng)驗(yàn)中也已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)，一個(gè)人憑著對他人的真誠關(guān)心，能夠獲得即使是最忙的人的注意，占有他們的時(shí)間，并贏得他們的合作。讓我舉例說明。

許多年前，我在布魯克林文理學(xué)院開設(shè)了一門小說創(chuàng)作課。我們打算邀請一些知名而且十分忙碌的作家，例如凱瑟琳·諾里斯、凡尼·赫斯德、伊達(dá)·塔貝爾、亞爾伯特·德恩、盧伯特·休斯到布魯克林來為我們講授經(jīng)驗(yàn)。我們給他們寫信，說我們仰慕他們的作品，并深切地希望獲得他們的指導(dǎo)，學(xué)習(xí)他們成功的秘訣。

每封信都由大約150名學(xué)員簽名。我們說我們知道他們很忙——忙得沒有時(shí)間準(zhǔn)備演講稿。所以我們在信里面附上了一份問卷，好讓他們介紹他們自己及他們的

realized that these authors were busy—too busy to prepare a lecture. So we enclosed a list of questions for them to answer about themselves and their methods of work. They liked that. Who wouldn't like it? So they left their homes and traveled to Brooklyn to give us a helping hand.

By using the same method, I persuaded Leslie M. Shaw, secretary of the treasury in Theodore Roosevelt's cabinet; George W.Wickersham, attorney general in Taft's cabinet; William Jennings Bryan; Franklin D.Roosevelt and many other prominent men to come to talk to the students of my courses in public speaking.

All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne—all of us like people who admire us. Take the German Kaiser, for example. At the close of World War I he was probably the most savagely and universally despised man on this earth. Even his own nation turned against him when he fled over into Holland to save his neck. The hatred against him was so intense that millions of people would have loved to tear him limb from limb or burn him at the stake. In the midst of all this forest fire of fury, one little boy wrote the Kaiser a simple, sincere letter glowing with kindliness and admiration. This little boy said that no matter what the others thought, he would always love Wilhelm as his Emperor. The Kaiser was deeply touched by his letter and invited the little boy to come to see him. The boy came, so did his mother—and the Kaiser married her. That little boy didn't need to read a book on how to win friends and influence people. He knew how instinctively.

If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people—

工作方法。他們喜歡我們那樣做。誰會(huì)不喜歡呢？所以他們都特意從家里趕到布魯克林，來給我們提供幫助。

用同樣的方法，我曾邀請到西奧多·羅斯福總統(tǒng)任期內(nèi)的財(cái)政部長萊斯利·肖，塔夫脫總統(tǒng)任期內(nèi)的司法部長喬治·威格薩姆，還有威廉·拜倫、富蘭克林·羅斯福以及其他許多名人來給我班上的學(xué)員演講。

我們所有的人——無論是工廠工人、辦公室職員，或是寶座上的君王——任何人都喜歡那些尊敬我們的人。就以德國皇帝凱瑟為例。在第一次世界大戰(zhàn)結(jié)束的時(shí)候，他大概是世界上最受輕視的人。因?yàn)榧词顾膰裨谒麨榱吮Ｗ⌒悦蛩闾油龊商m時(shí)全都反對他。人們?nèi)绱嗽骱匏灾劣诔汕先f的人都希望把他手足撕裂，或釘在火刑柱上燒死。在這怒火難以抑制的時(shí)候，有一個(gè)小孩給德國皇帝寫了一封簡單而誠懇的信，信中充滿了仁愛和欽佩。這個(gè)小孩說，不論其他人是怎么想的，他都永遠(yuǎn)希望敬愛的威廉當(dāng)他的皇帝。皇帝被他的信深深感動(dòng)，邀請小男孩去看他。小男孩來了，他母親也來了——德國皇帝娶了她。這個(gè)小孩根本就沒有必要去讀一本如何交友以及如何影響他人的書，因?yàn)樗焐椭肋@些。

如果我們想要交朋友的話，我們就應(yīng)該去為別人效勞——去做那些需要花時(shí)間、精力、奉獻(xiàn)和思考的事。當(dāng)溫莎公爵還是威爾士王儲(chǔ)的時(shí)候，就計(jì)劃周游南美。他在出發(fā)以前，花了好幾個(gè)月的時(shí)間學(xué)習(xí)西班牙語言，這樣他才能夠用當(dāng)?shù)?/p>

things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness. When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he was scheduled to tour South America, and before he started out on that tour he spent months studying Spanish so that he could make public talks in the language of the country; and the South Americans loved him for it.

For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends. How? Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of one's birth has anything to do with character and disposition. I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth. If he or she said November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself, “November 24, November 24.” The minute my friend's back was turned, I wrote down the name and birthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book. At the beginning of each year, I had these birthday dates scheduled in my calendar pad so that they came to my attention automatically. When the natal day arrived, there was my letter or telegram. What a hit it made! I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered.

If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology.Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is concerned about them.Let's remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow.

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company. In an issue of the publication of the National

語言演講。南美人也因此而喜歡他。

許多年來，我一直都在打聽我那些朋友的生日。怎樣才能做到這點(diǎn)呢？盡管我根本就不相信星相學(xué)，但我總是會(huì)先問對方，是否相信一個(gè)人的生辰與性格有關(guān)。然后我就會(huì)請他將他的生辰告訴我。例如，如果他或她說11月24日，我就會(huì)反復(fù)地說：“11月24日，11月24日。”等他轉(zhuǎn)過身時(shí)，我會(huì)立即記下他的姓名和生日，然后每年年初我再把這些生日排列后再謄到我的日歷上，到時(shí)它就會(huì)引起我的注意。到了某個(gè)人生日那天，我會(huì)給他寫信或發(fā)電報(bào)。他們多么興奮啊！我恐怕是這個(gè)世界上唯一記住他生日的人。

如果我們想要交朋友的話，就要用生機(jī)和熱情去應(yīng)對別人。當(dāng)別人給你打電話時(shí)，你也應(yīng)該用同樣的心理學(xué)。你和他說話的聲音要表示出你多么喜歡他給你打電話。許多公司訓(xùn)練他們的接線員，要求他們接電話時(shí)語氣要透出關(guān)心和熱情，讓打電話過來的人感覺公司對他們的關(guān)注。明天我們接電話時(shí)，也要記住這一點(diǎn)。

對別人表達(dá)你的真誠關(guān)注，不但可以讓你交到許多朋友，還可以為你的公司增加客戶的忠誠度。紐約的北美國家銀行一份出版物中，刊登了一位儲(chǔ)戶梅德蘭·羅斯黛的來信：

“我真希望您能知道我是多么欣賞貴公司的員工。他們每個(gè)人都這么熱情

Bank of North America of New York, the following letter from Madeline Rosedal, a depositor, was published:

“I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful. What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly.

“Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller. She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress.”

Is there any doubt that Mrs. Rosedale will continue to use this bank?

Charles R. Walters, of one of the large banks in New York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation. He knew of only one person who possessed the facts he needed so urgently. As Mr.Walters was ushered into the president's office, a young woman stuck her head through a door and told the president that she didn't have any stamps for him that day.

“I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son,” the president explained to Mr. Walters.

Mr. Walters stated his mission and began asking questions. The president was vague, general, nebulous. He didn't want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuade him to talk. The interview was brief and barren.

“Frankly, I didn't know what to do,” Mr. Walters said as he related the story to the class.“Then I remembered what his secretary had said to him—stamps, twelve-year-old son... And I also recalled that the foreign department of our bank collected stamps—

有禮，助人為樂。當(dāng)我在排了長長的隊(duì)之后，會(huì)有一位員工來向我親切地打個(gè)招呼，這令人感到很愉快。

“去年，我母親生病住了5個(gè)月的院。我那時(shí)經(jīng)常遇到貴公司一位員工瑪麗。她很關(guān)心我的母親，問了她的病情。”

羅斯黛是否和這家銀行繼續(xù)往來呢？

查爾斯·華爾德是紐約市一家大銀行的員工，有一次受命準(zhǔn)備一份關(guān)于某公司的機(jī)密文件。他知道只有某個(gè)人掌握了他急需的這些材料。當(dāng)華爾德被引進(jìn)這位董事長辦公室時(shí)，一位年輕女子從門外伸進(jìn)頭來，告訴董事長說她今天沒有什么可給他的郵票。

董事長對華爾德解釋道：“我正在為我12歲的兒子收集郵票。”

華爾德說明自己的來意，開始問問題。這位董事長的回答含混不清——很明顯，他不愿講話，沒有什么事情能夠讓他開口的。因此這次會(huì)談變得簡短而枯燥。

“說實(shí)話，我當(dāng)時(shí)不知如何是好，”華爾德在我班上講這件事時(shí)說，“然后，我想起他的秘書對他說過的話——郵票，12歲的兒子……同時(shí)我又想起我們銀行的外匯兌換部經(jīng)常收集郵票——世界各地寄來的信上取下的郵票。

“第二天下午，我再次去拜訪這位董事長，并請人傳話進(jìn)去，說我有些郵票

stamps taken from letters pouring in from every continent washed by the seven seas.

“The next afternoon I called on this man and sent in word that I had some stamps for his boy. Was I ushered in with enthusiasm? Yes sir, He couldn't have shaken my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running for Congress. He radiated smiles and good will.‘My George will love this one，'he kept saying as he fondled the stamps.‘And look at this! This is a treasure.'

“We spent half an hour talking stamps and looking at a picture of his boy, and he then devoted more than an hour of his time to giving me every bit of information I wanted—without my even suggesting that he do it. He told me all he knew, and then called in his subordinates and questioned them. He telephoned some of his associates. He loaded me down with facts, figures, reports and correspondence. In the parlance of newspaper reporters, I had a scoop.”

Here is another illustration:

C. M.Knaphle, Jr.of Philadelphia had tried for years to sell fuel to a large chain-store organization. But the chain-store company continued to purchase its fuel from an out-of-town dealer and haul it right past the door of Knaphle's office.Mr.Knaphle made a speech one night before one of my classes, pouring out his hot wrath upon chain stores, branding them as a curse to the nation. And still he wondered why he couldn't sell them. I suggested that he try different tactics. To put it briefly, this is what happened. We staged a debate between members of the course on whether the spread of the chain stores is doing the country more harm than good.

Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; he agreed to defend the chain

要給他的兒子。我是不是受到了熱烈歡迎呢？當(dāng)然。即使是他要競選國會(huì)議員，也不可能那么熱情地握著我的手了。他發(fā)出善意的微笑說，‘我的喬治肯定會(huì)喜歡的，’他撫摸著郵票不斷地說，‘看這張！這可是無價(jià)之寶啊！’

“我們花了一個(gè)小時(shí)談?wù)撪]票，并看了他兒子的照片。然后，他用了一個(gè)多小時(shí)的時(shí)間，談了我所需要的一切情況——我沒有要求他那樣做。他講了他知道的一切，又把他的下屬叫進(jìn)來詢問。他還給幾位常有來往的人打了電話。他把所有的事實(shí)、數(shù)字、報(bào)告以及信件全都給了我。用一位新聞?dòng)浾叩脑拋碚f，我得了一個(gè)‘大豐收’。”

下面還有另外一個(gè)例子：

多年來，費(fèi)城的克納夫爾先生一直想將煤推銷給一家大型連鎖公司。但這家公司仍舊愿意經(jīng)過克納夫爾先生的辦公室門口，向市外一個(gè)煤商采購燃煤。一天晚上，克納夫爾先生在我的班上做了一次演講，對連鎖公司大加指責(zé)，認(rèn)為他們的行為是國家的一顆毒瘤。可是，他依然不知道他為什么不能把煤賣給他們。我建議他試試其他手段。簡而言之，后來的情形是這樣的。我將班上的學(xué)員分成兩支隊(duì)伍，就“連鎖公司的廣泛分布對國家是否害多益少”進(jìn)行辯論。

按照我的建議，克納夫爾先生加入反對方，他同意為連鎖公司做辯護(hù)。于是，他徑直去找那家被他大加指責(zé)的連鎖公司的經(jīng)理，對他說：“我來這里并不

stores, and then went straight to an executive of the chain-store organization that he despised and said, “I am not here to try to sell fuel. I have come to ask you to do me a favor.” He then told about his debate and said, “I have come to you for help because I can't think of anyone else who would be more capable of giving me the facts I want. I'm anxious to win this debate, and I'll deeply appreciate whatever help you can give me.”

Here is the rest of the story in Mr. Knaphle's own words:

I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time. It was with that understanding that he consented to see me. After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair and talked to me for exactly one hour and forty-seven minutes. He called in another executive who had written a book on chain stores. He wrote to the National Chain Store Association and secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject. He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service to humanity. He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds of communities. His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and I must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never even dreamed of. He changed my whole mental attitude.

As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put his arm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, and asked me to stop in and see him again and let him know how I made out. The last words he said to me were, “Please see me again later in the spring. I should like to place an order with you for fuel.”

To me that was almost a miracle. Here he was offering to buy fuel without my even suggesting it. I had made more headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in him and his problems than I could have made in ten years trying to get him interested

是向你推銷煤的。我只是來請你幫我一個(gè)忙。”于是他講了這場辯論賽，并說：“我來請你幫忙，因?yàn)槲蚁霙]有什么人會(huì)比你更適合為我提供我所需要的材料。我非常想贏得這場辯論賽，無論你能給我什么幫助，我都將非常感激。”

下面是克納夫爾先生對后來情況的介紹：

“我請他給我一分鐘的時(shí)間。由于講了這個(gè)條件，他才答應(yīng)見我。但是當(dāng)我說明來意之后，他讓我坐下，和我談了1小時(shí)47分鐘。他還叫進(jìn)來另一位曾寫過一本關(guān)于連鎖經(jīng)營的書的高級職員向我介紹相關(guān)情況。他還給全國連鎖公司聯(lián)合會(huì)寫信，替我要了一份這方面的資料。他覺得連鎖公司是真正為人們服務(wù)的，他對于能夠?yàn)槌汕先f的人服務(wù)而自豪。他談話的時(shí)候，精神煥發(fā)，而我也必須承認(rèn)，他開闊了我的眼界，使我看見了我以前連做夢都沒有想過的事。他改變了我的整個(gè)想法。

“當(dāng)我離開的時(shí)候，他把我送到門口，摟著我的肩，祝我辯論勝利，并請我再來看他，將辯論的結(jié)果告訴他。他最后對我說的是：‘請你在春末的時(shí)候再來看我。我愿意訂購你的煤。’

“對我來說，這幾乎是一件不可思議的事。我對于賣煤一個(gè)字都沒有說，可是他卻要買我的煤。我只不過因?yàn)閷λ八膯栴}真的感興趣，因此在不到兩個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)所取得的成果，比我在過去10年當(dāng)中試圖讓他對我及我的煤發(fā)生興趣所得

in me and my product.

You didn't discover a new truth, Mr. Knaphle, for a long time ago, a hundred years before Christ was born, a famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked:“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”

A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street—both parties benefit.

Martin Ginsberg, who took our course in Long Island, New York, reported how the special interest a nurse took in him profoundly affected his life:

“It was Thanksgiving Day and I was ten years old. I was in a welfare ward of a city hospital and was scheduled to undergo major orthopedic surgery the next day. I knew that I could only look forward to months of confinement, convalescence and pain. My father was dead; my mother and I lived alone in a small apartment and we were on welfare. My mother was unable to visit me that day.

“As the day went on, I became overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness, despair and fear. I knew my mother was home alone worrying about me, not having anyone to be with, not having anyone to eat with and not even having enough money to afford a Thanksgiving Day dinner.

“The tears welled up in my eyes, and I stuck my head under the pillow and pulled the covers over it. I cried silently, but oh so bitterly, so much that my body racked with pain.

“A young student nurse heard my sobbing and came over to me. She took the covers off my face and started wiping my tears. She told me how lonely she was, having to work that

的還多。”

克納夫爾先生并不是發(fā)現(xiàn)了一條新真理，因?yàn)楹芫靡郧埃诨秸Q生100年以前，古羅馬一位著名的詩人西拉斯就曾說過：“我們對別人產(chǎn)生興趣的時(shí)候，恰好是別人對我們產(chǎn)生興趣的時(shí)候。”

對他人表示關(guān)心，這與其他人際關(guān)系一樣必須真誠。這不僅使得付出關(guān)心的人會(huì)得到相應(yīng)的回報(bào)，而得到這種關(guān)心的人也會(huì)同樣有所收獲。這是一條雙向大道，在這條道路上的當(dāng)事人都會(huì)受益。

馬丁·金斯伯參加了我們紐約長島的課程，他說一位護(hù)士給他的關(guān)懷深深地影響了他的一生。他說：“那天是感恩節(jié)，我當(dāng)時(shí)只有10歲，由于生病住進(jìn)了市里面一家醫(yī)院，而且第二天就要做手術(shù)了。我知道在以后的幾周會(huì)很痛苦，而且行動(dòng)都會(huì)受到限制。我父親早已過世了，只有我和母親相依為命，住在一家小公寓中，靠社會(huì)救濟(jì)金生活。可是那天母親卻不能來看我。

“那天，我陷入了無邊無際的寂寞、失望和恐懼中。我也知道母親正在為我擔(dān)心，而且也是一個(gè)人孤零零地在家里，沒有人陪她一同吃飯，甚至沒錢買感恩節(jié)的晚餐。

“淚水一直在我的眼眶中打轉(zhuǎn)，我把頭埋進(jìn)了枕頭下面，一個(gè)人暗中傷心哭了起來，全身顫抖著。

day and not being able to be with her family. She asked me whether I would have dinner with her. She brought two trays of food: sliced turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and ice cream for dessert. She talked to me and tried to calm my fears. Even though she was scheduled to go off duty at 4 P.M., she stayed on her own time until almost 11 P.M. She played games with me, talked to me and stayed with me until I finally fell asleep.

“Many Thanksgivings have come and gone since I was ten, but one never passes without me remembering that particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear, loneliness and the warmth and tenderness of the stranger that somehow made it all bearable.”

If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

Principle 1：Become genuinely interested in other people.

“一位年輕的實(shí)習(xí)護(hù)士聽到了我的哭聲，就到這邊來看我。她從我臉上將枕頭拿開，替我擦干了眼淚。她說她也很寂寞，那天她必須在醫(yī)院工作，不能和家人一同吃飯。她又問我愿不愿意和她一同吃晚餐。她拿來了兩盤食物：火雞肉片、馬鈴薯泥、草莓醬、冰激凌等。她和我聊天，努力安撫我。雖然她下午4點(diǎn)就應(yīng)該下班回家的，可是她一直陪我到晚上將近11點(diǎn)。她一直和我做游戲、聊天，等我入睡后才走。

“我在10歲以前過了許多感恩節(jié)，可是這個(gè)感恩節(jié)我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)忘記。我還記得當(dāng)時(shí)那種失落、恐懼和孤獨(dú)。突然一個(gè)陌生人的溫暖關(guān)懷使得這一切都消失得無蹤無影了。”

如果你想讓別人喜歡你，或者培養(yǎng)真正的友情，或是既幫助別人又幫助自己，那么就要牢記：

第一項(xiàng)規(guī)則：真誠地關(guān)心別人。