第3章　激發(fā)他人的強烈需求

每年夏天，我們要去緬因州釣魚。我自己很喜歡吃草莓和奶油，但是我發(fā)現(xiàn)魚兒卻喜歡吃小蟲子。所以我釣魚時，不會想我所喜歡吃的東西，而是琢磨這些魚兒喜歡吃什么。我不會在魚鉤上掛上草莓和奶油，而是穿上一條蚯蚓或一只蚱蜢，垂到魚兒面前，說：“你想吃這個嗎？”

當你“釣”人時，為什么不試試同樣的道理呢？第一次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，英國首相勞埃德·喬治就采用了這種方式。有人問他，當其他在戰(zhàn)爭年代成為領袖的人，例如威爾遜、奧蘭多及克里孟梭都被世人遺忘時，為什么他還能夠大權在握。他回答說，如果他執(zhí)權有術，那可能是因為他很早就明白了一個道理：要想釣到魚，魚餌必須適合魚的口味！

為什么我們總是對自己的需要大加談論呢？這可是孩子似的荒謬做法。當然，你關心的是自己的需要，而且對自己的需要永遠都會感興趣。但別人卻不這樣。別人都像你一樣，只會對自己的需要感興趣。

所以，世界上能夠影響他人的唯一方法，就是談論他們的需要，并告訴他們如何去獲得它。

about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether you are dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees. For example: one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into the barn. But they made the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But the calf was doing just what they were doing; he was thinking only of what he wanted; so he stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaid saw their predicament. She couldn't write essays and books; but, on this occasion at least, she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson had. She thought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternal finger in the calf's mouth and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn.

Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. How about the time you gave a large contribution to the Red Cross? Yes, that is no exception to the rule. You gave the Red Cross the donation because you wanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act.“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

If you hadn't wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution. Of course, you might have made the contribution because you were ashamed to refuse or because a customer asked you to do it. But one thing is certain. You made the contribution because you wanted something.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behavior said, “Action

當你明天打算讓某個人去做什么事的時候，一定要記住這一點。例如，當你不希望你的孩子吸煙時，那么不要訓斥他，也不要對他講你想什么。你只需讓他知道，吸煙會使他不能加入籃球隊，或不能贏得百米賽跑。

不論你是對待孩子還是小牛或黑猩猩，這條原則都必須牢記。例如，有一天愛默生和他的兒子想將一頭小牛趕進牛棚。但他們犯了一個常識性的錯誤，他們只想達到自己的目的：愛默生在后面推小牛，他兒子則在前面拉小牛。但正如他們自己一樣，這頭小牛也只想它自己所要的，所以它蹬緊四腿，頑固地不肯離開原來的地方。一位愛爾蘭女仆看到了這個僵持的場面。盡管她不會寫什么東西，但她至少比愛默生更了解馬和牛的性格。她知道小牛想要什么，于是她把拇指伸進小牛的口中，一邊讓小牛吮吸她的手指，一邊將它輕輕地引進牛棚。

從你來到這個世界起，你的每一種行為都是出自你的需求。你為什么要給紅十字會捐一大筆錢？不錯，這個行為仍不例外。你之所以捐錢給紅十字會，是因為你也想伸出援助之手，要做一件善良無私的神圣之事。《圣經(jīng)》中說：“既然你的此舉是為我的弟兄們做的，也就是為我做的。”

假如你行善的感覺比不上你對錢的喜愛，那你絕對不會捐款。當然，你也許會因為不好意思拒絕，或因為一個主顧請你捐，你才去捐款。但有一點是可以肯定的，那就是你是為了滿足某種需要而捐款的。

springs out of what we fundamentally desire... and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away$365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.

To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys. They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother's frantic letters.

Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.

He neglected, however, to enclose the money.

Back came replies by return mail thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew” for his kind note and—you can finish the sentence yourself.

Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak of Cleveland, Ohio, a participant in our course. Stan came home from work one evening to find his youngest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the living room floor. He was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go. Stan's normal reaction would have

奧弗斯特里特在他那本極具啟發(fā)性的著作《影響人類的行為》中說：“行動源于我們的基本欲望……無論是在商業(yè)、家庭、學校中，還是在政治中，對那些想勸導別人的人來說，我所能給的最好的建議，就是首先要激發(fā)別人的需求。如果能做到這點，就可以如魚得水，否則辦不成任何事情。”

安德魯·卡內基是一個貧苦的蘇格蘭少年。他剛開始工作的時候，每小時只掙兩美分，可是他后來竟捐贈了3.65億美元。這是因為他很早就明白，影響他人的唯一方法，就是談論對方的需要。盡管他只讀過4年書，但他學會了如何與人相處。

例如，他的嫂嫂因為她的兩個兒子而憂勞成疾。他們在耶魯大學讀書，但卻一心忙自己的事情，連信都不給家里寫，而他們母親寫給他們的充滿焦慮的信，他們也不愿回復。

于是，卡內基打了100美元的賭，說他不必請求回信，就可以得到他們的回信。有人和他打了這個賭。他給兩個侄子寫了一封信，在信后附帶說給他們每人寄一張5美元的鈔票。

不過，卡內基并沒將錢裝入信封里面。他們果然回信了，信中謝謝“親愛的安德魯叔叔給我們的來信，但……”——我想下面的內容讀者一猜就知道了。

另一個例子來自我班上一位俄亥俄州克利夫蘭市的學員史丹·諾瓦克。一天晚上，史丹下班回家后，發(fā)現(xiàn)小兒子迪米在客廳的地板上打滾，又哭又鬧的。

been to banish the child to his room and tell him had just better make up his mind to go. He had no choice. But tonight, recognizing that this would not really help Tim start kindergarten in the best frame of mind, Stan sat down and thought, “If I were Tim, why would I be excited about going to kindergarten?” He and his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting, singing songs, making new friends. Then they put them into action.“We all started finger-painting on the kitchen table—my wife, Lil, my other son Bob, and myself, all having fun. Soon Tim was peeping around the corner. Next he was begging to participate.‘Oh, no! You have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint.’With all the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in terms he could understand—telling him all the fun he would have in kindergarten. The next morning, I thought I was the first one up. I went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living room chair.‘What are you doing here?’I asked.‘I'm waiting to go to kindergarten. I don't want to be late.’the enthusiasm of our entire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.”

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself, “How can I make this person want to do it?”

That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.

At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures.

At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informed that I should have to pay

原來，迪米第二天就要去幼兒園了，但他不愿去。如果是平時，史丹肯定會將迪米叫到房間，命令他最好還是去幼兒園，他別無選擇。但史丹這天晚上意識到這樣并不能讓迪米帶著好心情去幼兒園。于是史丹坐了下來，心想：“如果我是迪米，為什么會高高興興地去幼兒園呢？”他和夫人一起將迪米將在幼兒園所樂意做的事情列了一張表，例如手指畫畫、唱歌、交朋友等。然后，他們開始采取行動。“我和我夫人、我的另一個兒子鮑勃開始在廚房的桌子上用手指畫畫，而且很開心。沒過多久，迪米就站在墻角偷看我們，然后請求參加我們的活動。‘不行，你必須先去幼兒園學習用手指畫畫。’我用他能夠聽得懂的話，以最大的熱情向他解釋那張表上所列的各種有趣的事情，并告訴他會在幼兒園得到這些樂趣。第二天早上，我本以為我是第一個起床的人，可是下樓后發(fā)現(xiàn)迪米竟坐在客廳的沙發(fā)上睡了一個晚上。我問：‘你怎么睡在這里？’他說：‘我在等著去幼兒園。我可不想遲到。’你看，我們全家已經(jīng)激起了迪米內心強烈的愿望，而若采取討論或強迫的辦法是根本無濟于事的。”

也許你明天打算勸某人做某事。在你開口之前，不妨先問問自己：“我怎樣才能使他心甘情愿做這件事？”

這問題可以使我們不至于冒冒失失、毫無結果地去同別人談論我們的各種愿望。

almost three times as much rent as formerly. This news reached me after the tickets had been printed and distributed and all announcements had been made.

Naturally, I didn't want to pay the increase, but what was the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted? They were interested only in what they wanted. So a couple of days later I went to see the manager.

“I was a bit shocked when I got your letter,” I said, “but I don't blame you at all. If I had been in your position, I should probably have written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make all the profit possible. If you don't do that, you will be fired and you ought to be fired. Now, let's take a piece of paper and write down the advantages and the disadvantages that will accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent.”

Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the center and headed one column “Advantages” and the other column “Disadvantages.”

I wrote down under the head “Advantages” these words:“Ballroom free.” Then I went on to say, “You will have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions. That is a big advantage, for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures. If I tie your ballroom up for twenty nights during the course of the season, it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you.

“Now, let's consider the disadvantages. First, instead of increasing your income from me, you are going to decrease it. In fact, you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking. I shall be forced to hold these lectures at some other place.

“There's another disadvantage to you also. These lectures attract crowds of educated and

有一段時間，我每個季度都要租紐約某大飯店的大舞廳用20個晚上，舉行一系列演講。

在某一季開始的時候，我忽然接到飯店的通知，必須支付幾乎比以前高3倍的租金。我得知這個消息時，入場券已經(jīng)印發(fā)，而且通告已經(jīng)公布了。

我當然不愿意支付這增加的部分租金，但是和飯店談我的想法又有何用呢？他們只關心他們所需要的。于是，幾天之后我找到了飯店經(jīng)理。

“我接到你的信時有點吃驚，”我說，“但我一點都不怪你。如果換成是我，恐怕也會寫一封相似的信。你身為飯店經(jīng)理，有責任為飯店創(chuàng)造利潤。如果你不那樣做，你就要被辭掉，并且應當被辭掉。現(xiàn)在，且讓我們拿一張紙來，將你堅持增加租金而給你帶來的利弊一一列出來。”

說完，我拿出一張信紙，在中間畫好一條豎線，一欄的上端寫明“利”，另一欄則寫上“弊”。

在“利”的一欄我寫上“舞廳空出來”幾個字，然后接著說：“你可以隨便出租舞廳開舞會和聚會。收益會相當可觀，因為這類活動比租給演講所得的租金要多得多。如果我在這一季度占用你的舞廳20個晚上，你一定會失去這筆利潤。

“現(xiàn)在，讓我們來看看‘弊’。首先，將舞廳租給我并不能增加你的收入，相反你還會減少收入。事實上，你將一點收入都沒有，因為我付不起你所要求的

cultured people to your hotel. That is good advertising for you, isn't it? In fact, if you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers, you couldn't bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures. That is worth a lot to a hotel, isn't it?”

As I talked, I wrote these two “disadvantages” under the proper heading, and handed the sheet of paper to the manager, saying, “I wish you would carefully consider both the advantages and disadvantages that are going to accrue to you and then give me your final decision.”

I received a letter the next day, informing me that my rent would be increased only 50 percent instead of 300 percent.

Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted. I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it.

Suppose I had done the human, natural thing; suppose I had stormed into his office and said, “What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets have been printed and the announcements made? Three hundred percent! Ridiculous! Absurd! I won't pay it!”

What would have happened then? An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter—and you know how arguments end. Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.

Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships.“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.”

租金。我只能到別處舉行演講。

“對你還有另一個不利。這些演講會吸引那些受過高等教育的人士來你的飯店，這對你可是一種極好的廣告，難道不是嗎？事實上，你就是花上5000美元在報紙上做廣告，也不能使來你飯店的人數(shù)和來聽我演講的人那樣多。而這對于一家飯店來說是很有價值的，對不對？”

我一邊講，一邊將這兩種不利寫在相應的欄目中，然后將那張紙遞給經(jīng)理，說：“我希望你好好考慮一下，然后將最后的決定告訴我。”

第二天，我收到一封信，通知我租金只加一半，而不是當初的3倍。

請注意，我對于我的愿望沒有談一個字，就達到了減少租金的目的。因為我一直在講對方所需要的東西，以及他怎樣才能得到它。

假設我像普通人那樣，直接闖進他的辦公室說：“你這是什么意思？明明知道入場券已經(jīng)印好，而且通知已經(jīng)公告，卻要增加我的租金3倍？3倍！太可笑了！太荒謬了！我可不會付給你！”

然后情況會怎樣呢？那一定會引發(fā)激烈的爭論，甚至是白熱化的爭吵——而你知道會造成什么后果。即使我能讓他相信他是錯的，他的自尊也不會讓他屈服和退讓。

關于為人處世，這里有一句至理名言。“如果成功有什么秘訣的話”，“汽車大王”亨利·福特說，“那就是站在對方的立場看問題，如同從你自己的立場

That is so good, I want to repeat it:“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.”

That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.

An example? Look at the letters that come across your desk tomorrow morning, and you will find that most of them violate this important canon of common sense. Take this one, a letter written by the head of the radio department of an advertising agency with offices scattered across the continent. This letter was sent to the managers of local radio stations throughout the country.（I have set down, in brackets, my reactions to each paragraph.）

Mr. John Blank，

Blankville，

Indiana

Dear Mr. Blank:

The company desires to retain its position in advertising agency leadership in the radio field.

[Who cares what your company desires? I am worried about my own problems. The bank is foreclosing the mortgage on my house, the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks, the stock market tumbled yesterday. I missed the eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn't invited to the Jones's dance last night, the doctor tells me I have high blood pressure and neuritis and dandruff. And then what happens? I come down to the office this morning

看問題一樣。”

這話真是棒極了！我要重述一次：“如果成功有什么秘訣的話，那就是站在對方的立場看問題，如同從你自己的立場上看問題一樣。”

這話實在是再簡單、再淺顯不過了，任何人都應該一眼就看出其中的道理，但我們這個世界上90%的人在90%的時候都忽略了它。

例子呢？明天早上看看你桌上的信，你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)大多數(shù)信都違反了這種常識性的道理。就拿其中一封信來說吧——這封信是一家在全國各地都有分公司的廣告公司的無線電部主任寫的，它分發(fā)給全國各地的無線電臺經(jīng)理。（我將在括號中表明我對每一段文字的想法。）

約翰·布蘭克先生

布蘭克維爾，印第安納州

親愛的布蘭克先生：

本公司希望保持在無線電界廣告業(yè)務的領袖地位。

（誰關心你的公司希望什么？我正擔心我自己的問題呢！銀行正準備沒收我的房產(chǎn)抵押，害蟲正在咬花草，昨天交易市場大跌。今天早上我又誤了8:15的火車，昨晚瓊斯家舉辦舞會沒有邀請我，而且醫(yī)生告訴我說我患有高血壓、神經(jīng)炎、頭屑過多等毛病。然后呢，又發(fā)生了什么？今天早上我心煩意亂地走進辦公室，打開信件，竟然看到紐約一個名不見經(jīng)傳的家伙在啰啰嗦嗦地講他公司的什

worried, open my mail and here is some little whippersnapper off in New York yapping about what his company wants.Bah! If he only realized what sort of impression his letter makes, he would get out of the advertising business and start manufacturing sheep dip.]

This agency's national advertising accounts were the bulwark of the network. Our subsequent clearances of station time have kept us at the top of agencies year after year.

[You are big and rich and right at the top, are you? So what? I don't give two whoops in Hades if you are as big as General Motors and General Electric and the General Staff of the U. S.Army all combined. If you had as much sense as a half-witted hummingbird, you would realize that I am interested in how big I am—not how big you are. All this talk about your enormous success makes me feel small and unimportant.]

We desire to service our accounts with the last word on radio station information.

[You desire! You desire. You unmitigated ass. I'm not interested in what you desire or what the President of the United States desires.Let me tell you once and for all that I am interested in what I desire—and you haven't said a word about that yet in this absurd letter of yours.]

Will you, therefore, put the—company on your preferred list for weekly station information—every single detail that will be useful to an agency in intelligently booking time.

[“Preferred list.” You have your nerve! You make me feel insignificant by your big talk about your company—and then you ask me to put you on a “preferred” list, and you don't even say “please” when you ask it.]

A prompt acknowledgment of this letter, giving us your latest “doings”, will be mutually helpful.

么希望。這真是一派胡言！假如他知道他的信會給人什么印象的話，他就會知趣地離開廣告界，改行干別的了。）

本公司在全國的廣告客戶，是各無線電臺的保護傘。本公司每年的營業(yè)額都位居前列。

（你是不是又大又富，而且遙遙領先？但那又怎么樣？即使你的公司有通用汽車公司、通用電氣公司以及美國陸軍總部合起來那么大，也不關我什么事。只要你有蜂鳥那么一點一知半解的大腦，你就應該清楚我只關心“我”有多大——而不是你有多大。關于你的偉大成功的所有這些言論，在我看來都非常渺小，而且毫不重要。）

我們希望將各家無線電臺最新的消息提供給我們的客戶。

（你希望！你希望！你這笨驢。我才不管你或美國總統(tǒng)有什么希望。我不妨干脆地告訴你，我只對我自己的事情感興趣——而在你這封荒謬無比的信中卻沒有提到一個字。）

所以，你可將本公司列為你們告知每周消息的優(yōu)先對象——凡是廣告公司在刊登廣告信息時有用的每一個細節(jié)都告訴我們。

（“優(yōu)先對象”，你膽子可不小！你在大吹大擂自己的公司，使我覺得微不足道——然后你要我將你列入“優(yōu)先”名單，可是你卻連個“請”字都不說。）

即刻回信，告訴我們你最近的“活動”，這對彼此都會有好處。

[You fool! You mail me a cheap form letter—a letter scattered far and wide like the autumn leaves—and you have the gall to ask me, when I am worried about the mortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, to sit down and dictate a personal note acknowledging your form letter—and you ask me to do it “promptly.” What do you mean, “promptly”? Don't you know I am just as busy as you are—or, at least, I like to think I am. And while we are on the subject, who gave you the lordly right to order me around?...You say it will be “mutually helpful.” At last, at last, you have begun to see my viewpoint. But you are vague about how it will be to my advantage.]

Very truly yours，

John Doe

Manager Radio Department

P. S. The enclosed reprint from the Blankville Journal will be of interest to you, and you may want to broadcast it over your station.

[Finally, down here in the postscript, you mention something that may help me solve one of my problems. Why didn't you begin your letter with—but what's the use? Any advertising man who is guilty of perpetrating such drivel as you have sent me has something wrong with his medulla oblongata. You don't need a letter giving our latest doings. What you need is a quart of iodine in your thyroid gland.]

Now, if people who devote their lives to advertising and who pose as experts in the art of influencing people to buy—if they write a letter like that, what can we expect from the butcher and baker or the auto mechanic?

（你這笨蛋！你將這樣一封像秋天落葉般的信隨隨便便地寄給我，還在全國各地分送，竟然還好意思要我在擔心房產(chǎn)被抵押、花草遭到害蟲、血壓太高的情況下，坐下來單獨給你寫一封回信，來回答你的復寫信，而且還要我“即刻”回答——“即刻”是什么意思？難道你不知道我和你一樣忙嗎——或者我至少會想象和你一樣忙？還有就是既然我們在談某個問題，是誰給你這種權力來指使我干這干那的？……你說這件事將會使雙方受益，可是你直到最后才想到我的利益。但怎樣才對我有益你卻又含混不清。）

你的朋友

無線電部主任 約翰·杜伊

再啟：附上《布蘭克維爾日報》的副本，你也許會感興趣，愿在你的電臺播放。

（在這最后的附言中，你是提到了可以幫助我解決一個問題。但是這又有什么用呢？為什么一開始不用這個呢？任何廣告商如果犯了你這種毛病，一定是神經(jīng)錯亂。你并不需要我們最近活動的消息。你所要的不過是一品脫（1品脫約為0.56升）碘，好注射進你的甲狀腺。）

現(xiàn)在，假如一生都投身于廣告事業(yè)的人自以為是專家，能左右他人的購買決策，可是卻寫出那樣一封信來，對于其他行業(yè)的人，我們還能指望他們會寫出什么來呢？

這兒還有另一封由一個大貨運公司的總監(jiān)給我班上一位名叫維米蘭的學員寫的

Here is another letter, written by the superintendent of a large freight terminal to a student of this course, Edward Vermylen. What effect did this letter have on the man to whom it was addressed? Read it and then I'll tell you.

A. Zerega's Sons, Inc.

28 Front St.

Brooklyn, N. Y.11201

Attention: Mr. Edward Vermylen

Gentlemen:

The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered us in the late afternoon. This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks, and in some cases delays to freight. On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4：20 p.m.

We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising from late receipt of freight. May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning?

The advantage that would accrue to you under such an arrangement would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt.

Very truly yours，

J—B—, Supt.

信。對于收信人來說，這封信會有什么影響呢？先來讀這封信，然后我再告訴你。

齊瑞格公司

前街28號，布洛克林，紐約，11201

愛德華·維米蘭先生收

尊敬的先生：

本公司外運收貨站的工作常常受到阻礙，因為大部分貨物都是在傍晚才送過來給我們，結果就導致了交通擁擠，員工也不得不加班，卡車也被堵塞，致使貨物延遲發(fā)送。11月10日，我們收到貴公司需要發(fā)運的510件貨物，但這些貨物直到下午4點20才送到我們這里。

為了避免貨物延遲送達所產(chǎn)生的不利影響，我們請求你們進行合作。你們以后如果需要發(fā)送上面這類大宗貨物時，能不能盡量讓卡車提早過來，或者在上午時先送過來一部分貨物？

這樣對你們會有好處：你們的卡車可以迅速返回，并且可以保證你們的貨物在收到的當天就可以發(fā)出去。

你的朋友

總監(jiān) J-B-

讀完這封信以后，擔任齊瑞格公司銷售經(jīng)理的維米蘭先生寫了下面這些意見

After reading this letter, Mr. Vermylen, sales manager for A.Zerega's Sons, Inc., sent it to me with the following comment:

This letter had the reverse effect from that which was intended. The letter begins by describing the Terminal's difficulties, in which we are not interested, generally speaking. Our cooperation is then requested without any thought as to whether it would inconvenience us, and then, finally, in the last paragraph, the fact is mentioned that if we do cooperate it will mean more expeditious discharge of our trucks with the assurance that our freight will go forward on the date of its receipt.

In other words, that in which we are most interested is mentioned last and the whole effect is one of raising a spirit of antagonism rather than of cooperation.

Let's see if we can't rewrite and improve this letter. Let's not waste any time talking about our problems. As Henry Ford admonishes, let's “get the other person's point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own.”

Here is one way of revising the letter. It may not be the best way, but isn't it an improvement?

Mr. Edward Vermylen

A. Zerega's Sons, Inc.

28 Front St.

Brooklyn, N. Y.11201

Dear Mr. Vermylen:

Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years. Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient

給我：

“這封信所產(chǎn)生的實際效果，與其初衷正好相反。這封信在一開頭就講貨運站的困難，但是一般來說，我們并不關心這些。然后是要求我們合作，卻一點也沒有想到對我們是否有任何的不便。在最后一段，總算是提到，如果我們合作，可以使我們的卡車迅速返回，并保證我們的貨物可以在收到之日發(fā)送出去。

“換言之，我們最關注的事情，對方卻在最后才提到，因此這封信的整體效果，只會產(chǎn)生敵對，而不是合作的心理。”

我們來看看是否可以重寫并完善這封信。我們不應該浪費時間講我們的問題。正如亨利·福特所建議的，我們應該“站在對方的立場看問題，如同從你自己的立場看問題一樣”。

下面就是一種修改方法。這也許不是最好的方法，但是不是可以有所改善呢？

愛德華·維米蘭先生

齊瑞格公司

前街28號，布洛克林，紐約，11201

親愛的維米蘭先生：

14年來，貴公司一直是我們的好主顧。對于你們的光顧，我們當然非常感謝，并非常樂意為你們提供迅速高效的服務。但讓我們感到遺憾的是，如果你們

service you deserve. However, we regret to say that it isn't possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10. Why? Because many other customers make late afternoon deliveries also.Naturally, that causes congestion. That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed.

That's bad, but it can be avoided. If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture.

Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly.

You are busy. Please don't trouble to answer this note.

Yours truly，

J—B—, Supt.

Barbara Anderson, who worked in a bank in New York, desired to move to Phoenix, Arizona, because of the health of her son. Using the principles she had learned in our course, she wrote the following letter to twelve banks in Phoenix:

Dear Sir:

My ten years of bank experience should be of interest to a rapidly growing bank like yours.

In various capacities in bank operations with the Bankers Trust Company in New York, leading to my present assignment as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all

的卡車還是像11月10日那樣在傍晚給我們送過來大批的貨物，那么我們就很難為貴公司提供高效的服務。為什么呢？因為其他許多顧客也在傍晚給我們送貨。這樣，經(jīng)常會造成交通擁堵，你們的卡車就會在碼頭受阻，甚至會導致你們的貨物不能按時發(fā)出。

這種情況實在是太糟糕了，但它是可以避免的。如果你們盡可能在上午把貨物運到我們的碼頭，你們的卡車就會暢通無阻，貨物也可以即刻發(fā)送出去，而我們的員工每天晚上也可以早點回家，吃到貴公司生產(chǎn)的鮮美的餛飩和面條。

當然，無論你們的貨物何時到達，我們都會竭力而迅速地為貴公司服務。

你公務繁忙，請不必費工夫回信。

你的朋友

總監(jiān) J-B-

芭貝拉·安德森在紐約一家銀行工作，但為了兒子的身體健康，她打算搬到亞利桑那州的鳳凰城。她利用在我們班上學到的原則，給鳳凰城的12家銀行寫了下面這封信。

敬上啟信者：

我在銀行工作，已有10年經(jīng)驗，對于像你們這樣快速發(fā)展的銀行，對我應該會感興趣。

phases of banking including depositor relations, credits, loans and administration.

I will be relocating to Phoenix in May and I am sure I can contribute to your growth and profit. I will be in Phoenix the week of April 3 and would appreciate the opportunity to show you how I can help your bank meet its goals.

Sincerely，

Barbara L. Anderson

Do you think Mrs. Anderson received any response from that letter? Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which bank's offer to accept. Why? Mrs. Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own.

Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why? Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don't realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems. And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won't need to sell us. We'll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying—not being sold.

Yet many salespeople spend a lifetime in selling without seeing things from the customer's angle. For example, for many years I lived in Forest Hills, a little community of private homes in the center of Greater New York. One day as I was rushing to the station, I chanced to meet a real-estate operator who had bought and sold property in that area for many years. He knew Forest Hills well, so I hurriedly asked him whether or not

我曾就職于一家紐約銀行的信托公司，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)升為分部經(jīng)理，對銀行各部門的業(yè)務十分熟悉，包括與儲戶的關系、信用、貸款以及行政。

我將于5月份搬到鳳凰城居住，深信能夠對貴銀行的發(fā)展與盈利有所幫助。我將在4月3日那個星期抵達鳳凰城。如果能被給予機會，使我顯示如何有助于貴銀行發(fā)展，則不勝感激。

你的朋友

芭貝拉·安德森

你認為安德森夫人這封信會得到答復嗎？這12家銀行中有11家請她去面談，這足夠她選擇的了。為什么會這樣呢？安德森夫人并沒有說她想要什么，她只是在信中說自己可以幫助銀行，強調銀行的需要，而不是她自己的需要。

現(xiàn)在有成千上萬的推銷員在路上疲于奔命，心情沮喪而且入不敷出。這是什么原因呢？因為他們一直在想的只是自己的需要，卻不知道你和我都不想買任何東西。如果我們需要的話，我們會出去購買。我們總是在想著如何解決自己的問題。所以如果推銷員能告訴我們，他們的服務或商品將會幫助我們解決問題，那么他們就不必向我們推銷，我們會主動購買。顧客喜歡感到是自己主動要買——而不是被人推銷。

但是，許多干了一輩子推銷的人，卻從不知道應該從顧客的角度來看問題。

my stucco house was built with metal lath or hollow tile. He said he didn't know and told me what I already knew—that I could find out by calling the Forest Hills Garden Association. The following morning, I received a letter from him.Did he give me the information I wanted? He could have gotten it in sixty seconds by a telephone call. But he didn't. He told me again that I could get it by telephoning, and then asked me to let him handle my insurance.

He was not interested in helping me. He was interested only in helping himself.

J. Howard Lucas of Birmingham, Alabama, tells how two salespeople from the same company handled the same type of situation, He reported:

“Several years ago I was on the management team of a small company. Headquartered near us was the district office of a large insurance company. Their agents were assigned territories, and our company was assigned to two agents, whom I shall refer to as Carl and John.

“One morning, Carl dropped by our office and casually mentioned that his company had just introduced a new life insurance policy for executives and thought we might be interested later on and he would get back to us when he had more information on it.

“The same day, John saw us on the sidewalk while returning from a coffee break, and he shouted，‘Hey Luke, hold up, I have some great news for you fellows.'He hurried over and very excitedly told us about an executive life insurance policy his company had introduced that very day.（It was the same policy that Carl had casually mentioned.）He wanted us to have one of the first issued. He gave us a few important facts about the coverage and ended saying，‘the policy is so new, I'm going to have someone from

例如，我曾長期住在紐約中心的林丘住宅小區(qū)。有一天我正急匆匆地趕去車站，碰巧遇到了一位房地產(chǎn)經(jīng)紀人，他在那一帶推銷房地產(chǎn)已有許多年。由于他對林丘很熟悉，所以我急忙問他我的水泥房是用鋼筋造的，還是用空心磚造的。他說他不知道，并告訴我一大堆我早已知道的東西。他說我可以打電話給林丘公司協(xié)會詢問我房子的事。次日一早，我就收到了他的信。他是不是給了我需要的東西呢？他只需花60秒鐘打一個電話就可以得到這些信息的，可是他并沒有那樣做。他再次告訴我自己打電話去咨詢，然后請我讓他來為我辦理保險業(yè)務。

他并不是真的想幫助我。他只對幫助自己感興趣。

亞拉巴馬州伯明翰市的盧卡斯介紹了同一個公司兩名推銷員在處理同一類事情時是如何做的。他說：

“幾年前，我在一個小公司任管理職務。在我們附近有一家大保險公司的分公司。他們的業(yè)務員按區(qū)域分配任務，而我們公司由兩名業(yè)務員負責。我姑且稱他們?yōu)榭柡图s翰。

“一天早上，卡爾來我們辦公室，偶然談到他的公司剛計劃為高級職員辦理人身保險，也許我們會對此感興趣，并說等他得到更詳細的資料之后再來看我們。

“同一天，我們喝完咖啡往回走時，約翰看見我們，他大聲說：‘等等，我有好消息告訴你們！’他追了過來，興沖沖地告訴我們，說他公司新設了一項人身保

the home office come out tomorrow and explain it. Now, in the meantime, let's get the applications signed and on the way so he can have more information to work with.’His enthusiasm aroused in us an eager want for this policy even though we still did not have details. When they were made available to us, they confirmed John's initial understanding of the policy, and he not only sold each of us a policy, but later doubled our coverage.

“Carl could have had those sales, but he made no effort to arouse in us any desire for the policies.”

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.Owen D. Young, a noted lawyer and one of America's great business leaders, once said, “People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”

If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.

Looking at the other person's point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment.Each party should gain from the negotiation. In the letters to Mr.Vermylen, both the sender and the receiver of the correspondence gained by implementing what was suggested.Both the bank and

險業(yè)務（其實卡爾在閑談中已經(jīng)提到過它）。約翰要我們成為首批投保人員。他給了我們一些重要資料，還說：‘這種保險是最新的。我會請總公司明天派人來做詳細介紹。現(xiàn)在就請在申請單上簽名，這樣就會有更多的資料供那人作分析了。’盡管我們還不了解這項保險的具體情況，但他的熱情已經(jīng)激發(fā)出我們對這項保險的強烈需要。等保險合同送達我們時，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)它和約翰所說的完全相符。因此他不但讓我們每個人都購買了這項保險，后來還增加了保額！”

“本來卡爾也可以賣出這些保險的，但他并沒有想辦法激起我們購買保險的欲望。”

世界上到處都是充滿貪求和欲望的人，所以那少數(shù)不存私心幫助別人的人，能夠大有收獲。他幾乎遇不到競爭。歐文·揚這位著名律師及偉大商業(yè)領袖曾說：“能夠設身處地為別人著想、洞察別人心理的人，永遠不必擔心自己的前途。”

如果你從本書中學到了一件事——“永遠從別人的立場去思考，并從他們的角度來看問題”——如果你從本書中學到了這一點，那么你這一生將會有一個新的里程碑。

分析別人的觀點，并激發(fā)他對某件東西的強烈需求，并不是為控制這個人，使他做出對你有利而對他不利的事。任何一方都應在這種情況下有所得。例如就前面給維米蘭先生的信來說，寫信者和收信者都會因為所建議的事情而有所收

Mrs. Anderson won by her letter in that the bank obtained a valuable employee and Mrs. Anderson a suitable job. And in the example of John's sale of insurance to Mr.Lucas, both gained through this transaction.

Another example in which everybody gains through this principle of arousing an eager want comes from Michael E. Whidden of Warwick, Rhode Island, who is a territory salesman for the Shell Oil Company.Mike wanted to become the Number One salesperson in his district, but one service station was holding him back. It was run by an older man who could not be motivated to clean up his station. It was in such poor shape that sales were declining significantly.

This manager would not listen to any of Mike's pleas to upgrade the station. After many exhortations and heart-to-heart talks—all of which had no impact—Mike decided to invite the manager to visit the newest Shell station in his territory.

The manager was so impressed by the facilities at the new station that when Mike visited him the next time, his station was cleaned up and had recorded a sales increase. This enabled Mike to reach the Number One spot in his district. All his talking and discussion hadn't helped, but by arousing an eager want in the manager, by showing him the modem station, he had accomplished his goal, and both the manager and Mike benefited.

Most people go through college and learn to read Virgil and master the mysteries of calculus without ever discovering how their own minds function. For instance: I once gave a course in Effective Speaking for the young college graduates who were entering the employ of the Carrier Corporation, the large air-conditioner manufacturer. One of

獲。安德森夫人的信，也使她和銀行均有所得，銀行得到了一位經(jīng)驗豐富的職員，而安德森夫人則找到了理想的工作。在約翰將保險推銷給盧卡斯的例子中，雙方也都有所得。

激發(fā)別人的迫切需求，使雙方都從中受益，這樣的例子還有。下面這個例子就是由羅得島威克市的麥克爾·威登先生說出來的。威登是殼牌石油公司的一名地區(qū)推銷員。他希望成為區(qū)域內最優(yōu)秀的推銷員，但一個加油站使他受到了挫折。這個加油站的經(jīng)理是一個上了年紀的老人，盡管威登想盡了辦法，但老人仍然不能讓加油站保持清潔，結果這里的汽油銷量大大減少。

不論威登如何勸說，老人就是不動手清理加油站。在多次懇談和勸說都以失敗告終之后，威登決定請他去參觀區(qū)域內的另一處殼牌加油站。

老人對這個加油站的整潔美觀印象深刻。當威登再次來找他時，只見他的加油站已經(jīng)整理得干干凈凈，而且汽油銷量也創(chuàng)下紀錄。威登由此成為地區(qū)銷售業(yè)績最佳的員工。他以前的勸說和懇談都沒有打動老人，但他激發(fā)了老人內心的迫切愿望，并帶他去觀察另一家加油站，終于達到了他的目標——他和老人也都從中獲益。

許多人上大學研讀維吉爾的作品，并精通微積分，卻從不知道他們的內心活動。例如，我有一次給一些年輕的大學生講授《高效演講》，他們即將去卡瑞爾

the participants wanted to persuade the others to play basketball in their free time, and this is about what he said, “I want you to come out and play basketball. I like to play basketball, but the last few times I've been to the gymnasium there haven't been enough people to get up a game. Two or three of us got to throwing the ball around the other night—and I got a black eye. I wish all of you would come down tomorrow night. I want to play basketball.”

Did he talk about anything you want? You don't want to go to a gymnasium that no one else goes to, do you? You don't care about what he wants. You don't want to get a black eye.

Could he have shown you how to get the things you want by using the gymnasium? Surely. More pep.Keener edge to the appetite.Clearer brain.Fun.Games.Basketball.

To repeat Professor Overstreet's wise advice: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

One of the students in the author's training course was worried about his little boy. The child was underweight and refused to eat properly. His parents used the usual method. They scolded and nagged.“Mother wants you to eat this and that.”“Father wants you to grow up to be a big man.”

Did the boy pay any attention to these pleas? Just about as much as you pay to one fleck of sand on a sandy beach.

No one with a trace of horse sense would expect a child three years old to react to the

公司工作，這是一家大型空調器生產(chǎn)公司。有一個學生勸別人閑暇時和他一起去打籃球，他是這樣說的：“我希望你們去打籃球。我喜歡打籃球，但我最近幾次去體育館時，人數(shù)不夠，不能打比賽。前天晚上，我們兩三個人玩投籃，結果把我眼睛都打腫了。我希望你們明天晚上都來。我想打籃球。”

他提到了你想要的任何東西嗎？你不想去一個沒人愿去的體育館，對不對？你不愿關心他想要什么，你也不希望自己的眼睛被打腫。他本來能夠讓你明白如何利用體育館來滿足你的需要嗎？當然能。例如，讓你精神煥發(fā)、食欲更好、頭腦更清醒，得到消遣和鍛煉等。

再重復一次奧弗斯特里特教授的明智建議：“首先激發(fā)別人的需求。如果能做到這點，就可以如魚得水，否則辦不成任何事情。”

在我的訓練班上有一位學員，他非常擔心他的兒子。這孩子很瘦，還不愿好好吃飯。他父母為此常采取責備的方法：“媽媽要你吃這個、吃那個！”“爸爸希望你長得又高又大。”

孩子理會這些嗎？不會，一點都不會。

任何稍有常識的人，都不會指望一個3歲的孩子能夠對30歲的父親的規(guī)勸有什么積極反應，但這正是父親本來期望的。這真是有些可笑！這位父親最后領悟了，于是他問自己：“這孩子想要什么？怎樣才能將我所要的和他所要的結合

viewpoint of a father thirty years old. Yet that was precisely what that father had expected. It was absurd. He finally saw that. So he said to himself, “What does that boy want? How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?”

It was easy for the father when he started thinking about it. His boy had a tricycle that he loved to ride up and down the sidewalk in front of the house in Brooklyn. A few doors down the street lived a bully—a bigger boy who would pull the little boy off his tricycle and ride it himself.

Naturally, the little boy would run screaming to his mother, and she would have to come out and take the bully off the tricycle and put her little boy on again. This happened almost every day.

What did the little boy want? It didn't take a Sherlock Holmes to answer that one. His pride, his anger, his desire for a feeling of importance—all the strongest emotions in his makeup—goaded him to get revenge, to smash the bully in the nose. And when his father explained that the boy would be able to wallop the daylights out of the bigger kid someday if he would only eat the things his mother wanted him to eat—when his father promised him that—there was no longer any problem of dietetics. That boy would have eaten spinach, sauerkraut, salt mackerel—anything in order to be big enough to whip the bully who had humiliated him so often.

After solving that problem, the parents tackled another: the little boy had the unholy habit of wetting his bed.

He slept with his grandmother. In the morning, his grandmother would wake up and feel the sheet and say, “Look, Johnny, what you did again last night.”

起來？”

一旦父親開始思考這個問題時，一切就容易多了。他兒子有輛三輪腳踏車，小家伙總喜歡在家門口的人行道上來回騎車。在他家附近住著一個小壞蛋——一個比他稍大些的孩子，他常常把這小孩拉下車，自己騎上去。當然，這小男孩會哭著告訴母親。母親便會立刻出來，將小壞蛋拉下車，再將她兒子抱上去。這種情況幾乎每天都會發(fā)生。

這孩子需要什么呢？這并不需要福爾摩斯來解答。他需要的是自尊、發(fā)泄怒火，以及得到顯要感——所有最強烈的情感——都在驅使他去“復仇”，揍扁那個壞蛋的鼻子。于是，當父親告訴他，只要他不挑食，乖乖地吃飯的話，終有一天他會把那壞蛋打得落花流水——當父親向他作了這種保證之后，他果然不再挑食了。他開始愿意吃菠菜、白菜、咸魚以及任何其他食物，想讓自己快些長大，好狠狠地揍那個經(jīng)常羞辱他的壞蛋一頓。

解決這個問題之后，這對父母又面臨著另一件麻煩——這小男孩有尿床的壞習慣。

他和奶奶睡一張床。每天早上，奶奶醒了之后會摸摸床單，說：“你看，約翰，你昨晚又干了什么？”

小孩會說：“沒有，不是我干的，是你。”

He would say, “No, I didn't do it. You did it.”

Scolding, spanking, shaming him, reiterating that the parents didn't want him to do it—none of these things kept the bed dry. So the parents asked, “How can we make this boy want to stop wetting his bed?”

What were his wants? First, he wanted to wear pajamas like Daddy instead of wearing a nightgown like Grandmother. Grandmother was getting fed up with his nocturnal iniquities, so she gladly offered to buy him a pair of pajamas if he would reform. Second, he wanted a bed of his own. Grandma didn't object.

His mother took him to a department store in Brooklyn, winked at the salesgirl, and said, “Here is a little gentleman who would like to do some shopping.”

The salesgirl made him feel important by saying, “Young man, what can I show you?”

He stood a couple of inches taller and said, “I want to buy a bed for myself.”

When he was shown the one his mother wanted him to buy, she winked at the salesgirl and the boy was persuaded to buy it.

The bed was delivered the next day; and that night, when Father came home, the little boy ran to the door shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! Come upstairs and see my bed that I bought!”

The father, looking at the bed, obeyed Charles Schwab's injunction: he was “hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise.”

“You are not going to wet this bed, are you?” the father said.

“Oh, no, no! I am not going to wet this bed.” The boy kept his promise, for his pride was involved. That was his bed. He and he alone had bought it. And he was wearing

打他、罵他，甚至羞辱他，一再強調父母不許他尿床——都無濟于事。于是，父母開始自問：“怎樣才能讓他愿意停止尿床呢？”他想要什么？第一，他想和父親一樣穿睡衣，而不是像奶奶那樣穿睡袍。由于奶奶受夠了他半夜尿床之苦，她答應如果他不再尿床的話，會很高興地為他買一套睡衣。第二，他想要一張自己的床。奶奶當然也不反對。

于是，他母親把他帶到布魯克林的一家百貨商店，用眼光示意售貨員小姐，說：“這位小先生想買點東西。”

售貨員小姐以一種讓男孩頗感受尊重的口氣說：“小伙子，我能為你效勞嗎？”

他站在那里，立刻像長高了兩寸的樣子，說：“我要給自己買張床。”

當他看過他母親看中的一張床之后，母親沖著售貨員小姐使了個眼神。在售貨員小姐的勸說下，小男孩“買”了這張床。

第二天，床送到了。父親晚上回家時，小男孩跑到門口，叫道：“爸爸，爸爸！快上樓來看我給自己買的床。”

當父親看到那張床之后，遵循施瓦伯“誠于嘉許，寬于稱道”的規(guī)誡，問兒子：“你不會尿濕這張床，是不是？”

“啊，是的，是的！我當然不會。”為了自尊，小男孩果然遵守住了諾言。這是“他”的床，而且是“他”自己買來的。他現(xiàn)在穿著睡衣，就像個小大人。

pajamas now like a little man. He wanted to act like a man. And he did.

Another father, K. T.Dutschmann, a telephone engineer, a student of this course, couldn't get his three-year-old daughter to eat breakfast food. The usual scolding, pleading, coaxing methods had all ended in futility. So the parents asked themselves, “How can we make her want to do it?”

The little girl loved to imitate her mother, to feel big and grown up; so one morning they put her on a chair and let her make the breakfast food. At just the psychological moment, Father drifted into the kitchen while she was stirring the cereal and she said, “Oh, look, Daddy, I am making the cereal this morning.”

She ate two helpings of the cereal without any coaxing, because she was interested in it. She had achieved a feeling of importance; she had found in making the cereal an avenue of self-expression.

William Winter once remarked that “self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.” Why can't we adapt this same psychology to business dealings? When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves? They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.

Remember:“First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Principle 3：Arouse in the other person an eager want.

他希望自己像個大人，而他也做到了。

另一個名叫德施曼的父親，他是一位電話工程師，也是我班上一位學員，很難讓他3歲的女兒吃早餐。普通的手段，如責罵、請求、哄騙等都不奏效。于是父母就問自己：“我們怎樣才能使她‘要’吃早餐？”

這小女孩喜歡模仿她母親，喜歡讓自己看上去像個大人。于是一天早上，他們把她放在一張椅子上，讓她來做早餐。就在她攪拌早餐的時候，父親走進廚房。她說：“瞧，爸爸，今天早上我自己做的早餐。”

那天早上，她沒用任何誘哄就吃了兩碗粥，因為她對早餐已經(jīng)產(chǎn)生了興趣。她從中獲得了自重，從做早餐中找到了表現(xiàn)自我的方式。

威廉·溫特爾曾說過：“自我表現(xiàn)是人類天性中最重要的因素。”為什么我們不在工作中應用同樣的心理學呢？當我們有了一個好主意時，何不讓對方說出來，而不讓對方認為這是我們想到的？這樣，他們會認為這是他們的主意而異常喜歡的，或許還會吃上兩大碗呢！

記住：“首先激發(fā)別人的需求。如果能做到這點，就可以如魚得水，否則辦不成任何事情。”

第三項規(guī)則：激發(fā)別人的強烈需求。