Fall in Love With Youself

I desire to radiate health, cheerfulness, calm courage and good will. Leave the excess baggage of yesterday's mistakes and dare to enter into all the tomorrow.

我渴望發出健康之光、愉悅之光、沉靜的勇氣之光、美好的愿望之光。放下昨日錯誤的重負，勇敢融入明日的生活。

愛自己是一場畢生浪漫的開始

To Love Oneself Is the Beginning

◎Oscar Wilde

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Love yourself. Love the things that make you you. Your values and talents and memories. Your clothes, your nose, your woes（woes[w?uz]n. 悲痛，災難，不幸；困境（woe的名詞復數）） . If you love yourself, you can jump into your life from a springboard of self-confidence. If you love yourself, you can say what you want to say, go where you want to go. The world can be a tough place, and some of the billions of people out there will try to knock you down. Don't join them.

Do things that make you proud, then take pride in what you do. And in who you are.

Who are you anyway? What makes you you? How are you like your siblings（siblings['sibli?z]n. 兄弟姐妹（sibling的名詞復數）） and neighbors and friends? How are you different? If you were your own secret admirer, what would you most admire?

"My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself," Oscar Wilde wrote, "is that one day I ceased my obstinate（obstinate['?bstinit]a. 固執的，頑固的，頑強的） pursuit of my own individuality." Keep pursuing your individuality. Keep being yourself. Becoming yourself. It can be comforting to dress and act like everyone else. But it is grander to be different, to be unique, to be you. I'm the only me in the whole wide world.

美麗語錄

Best case scenario: I love myself; I enjoy living; I smile because I'm happy not because I have to.

最好的情景便是：愛自己；享受生活；發自內心地微笑。

愛自己是一場畢生浪漫的開始。

愛自己。熱愛一切讓你成為你自己的事物。你的價值，你的才能，你的回憶。你的衣服，你的鼻子，你的悲傷。如果你愛自己，你就能在自信的跳板上躍入生活。如果你愛自己，你就能暢所欲言，所向披靡。這個世界是冷酷無情的，成千上億的人等著將你打倒。不要和他們同流合污。

做能讓你自豪的事，然后為你所做的事自豪，為自己自豪。

那么，你究竟是誰呢？是什么讓你成為你自己呢？你和你的兄弟姐妹、鄰居好友又有什么相同點？你有什么與眾不同的地方？如果你是自己的秘密崇拜者，那么你最崇拜自己的又是哪一點呢？

“我犯了一個大錯，因此我無法原諒我自己，”奧斯卡·王爾德寫道，“就是有一天我停止追求自己的個性，”繼續追求你的個性，繼續做你自己。成為你自己。穿衣和舉止與別人一樣是件容易的事情。但是，更值得驕傲的事是：讓自己與眾不同，讓自己特別，讓自己成為你自己。世界之大，唯我是我。

There is always one true inner voice. Trust it.

~ Gloria Steinem

Sometimes it's hard to know who you are and what you want and whom you like and why you like that person. The answers change because you're changing. Growing. But deep inside, you are you. You were you as a baby, you were you as a kid, and you are you right now. "Let me listen to me and not to them." wrote Gertrude Stein.

It makes sense to consider the advice and opinions of other people. But don't let their noise drown out your inner voice. And don't let the way you sometimes talk or behave in front of others make you lose sight of who you are when you are alone, when you are most you.

"You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself," aviator Beryl Markham cautioned. Get acquainted with yourself. Tune in to the dreams you have by day and by night. Blend in when you choose to, but appreciate what sets you apart. "The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people." said Jamie Lee Curtis.

總有一個來自內心的真實之聲。聽從它吧！

——葛蘿莉亞·史丹能

有時，你很難弄清你是誰，你想做什么，你喜歡誰，你又為什么喜歡這個人。你在變，在成長，所以答案也在變。然而，在你內心深處，總有一個聲音告訴你：你就是你。不論嬰兒還是孩童，你就是現在的你。“讓我聽從自己的，而不是他們的意見。”葛楚德·史坦寫道。

你可以參考別人的意見和看法。但是別讓他們的想法淹沒你內心的聲音。不要因為偶爾出現在人前的談吐、舉止，而忘記獨處時的你，那才是最真的自己。

“人活一世，不要臨了時才發現，你了解別人要勝過了解自己。”飛行員貝麗爾·馬卡姆勸誡道。認識自己。走入你的夢境，不論白天還是黑夜。當你選擇走入人群時，那就去做吧！但是，別忘了感謝那些讓你與眾不同的東西。“我越發愛自己，我就越發不會把自己偽裝成別人。”杰米·李·柯蒂斯說道。

■送給自己的圣誕禮物

The Gift of Possibility

◎Esmeralda Santiago

That Christmas Eve, the streets of Boston were clogged with tourists and locals bundled in wool and flannel. Shoppers, hawkers, and gawkers whirled and swirled around me. "Frosty the Snowman", "Let It Snow" and "Jingle Bells" played in stores; on the sidewalks, the street musicians did their best. Everyone, it seemed, was accompanied by someone else smiling or laughing. I was alone.

The eldest of a Puerto Rican family of 11 children growing up in New York's crowded tenements, I'd spent much of my life seeking solitude. Now, finally, at 27, a college student in the midst of a drawn-out breakup of a seven-year relationship, I contemplated what I'd so craved, but I wasn't quite sure I liked it. Every part of me wanted to be alone, but not at Christmas.

My family had returned to Puerto Rico, my friends had gone home during the holiday break, and my acquaintances were involved in their own lives. Dusk was falling, and the inevitable return to my empty apartment brought tears to my eyes. Blinking lights from windows and around doors beckoned, and I wished someone would emerge from one of those homes to ask me inside to a warm room with a Christmas tree decorated with tinsel, its velvet skirt sprinkled with shiny fake snow and wrapped presents.

名人語庫

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

~Kierkergaard

只有向后才能理解生活；但要生活好，則必須向前看。

——克爾凱郭爾

那年圣誕前夕，波士頓的街道上滿是熙熙攘攘的游客，當地人裹著羊毛和法蘭絨打扮得光鮮靚麗。購物者、小販和路人把我圍在中間。商店里播放著《結霜的雪人》《下雪吧》和《鈴兒響叮當》；人行道上，街頭音樂家賣力地表演著。看起來似乎每個人都有人陪伴，臉上綻放出幸福的笑容。只有我是獨自一人。

我家是一個波多黎各大家庭，一共有11個孩子，我是家里的長子，我們從小生活在紐約城擁擠的租住房里。在一生的大部分時間，我都在尋求片刻的孤獨。此時此刻，終于，我這個27歲的大學生，結束了一段7年的漫長戀情，得到了我想要的孤獨，可我卻并不覺得開心。我想一個人靜一靜，但不是在圣誕節這樣的日子。

我的家人已經回到了波多黎各，我的朋友都在假期回家了，我認識的人都忙于自己的生活。夜幕降臨，想著還得回到那空蕩蕩的宿舍，眼淚就涌了出來。城市住家的燈火點亮起來，從門窗透出的閃爍燈光仿佛在召喚著我，我多希望有人會打開房門，邀請我走進那溫暖的房間，房間一角是一株圣誕樹，圣誕彩條將它裝飾得絢爛華麗，天鵝絨的樹擺上點綴著閃亮的人造雪花和包裝好的禮物。

I stopped at the local market, feeling even more depressed as people filled their baskets with goodies. Dates and dried figs, walnuts, pecans, and hazelnuts in their shells reminded me of the gifts we received as children in Puerto Rico on Christmas Day, because the big gifts were given on the morning of the Feast of the Epiphany, on January 6. I missed my family: their rambunctious parties; the dancing; the mounds of rice with pigeon peas; the crusty, garlicky skin on the pork roast; the plantain and yucca pasteles wrapped in banana leaves. I wanted to cry for wanting to be alone and for having achieved it.

In front of the church down the street, a manger had been set up, with Mary, Joseph, and the barn animals in expectation of midnight and the arrival of baby Jesus. I stood with my neighbors watching the scene, some of them crossing themselves, praying. As I walked home, I realized that the story of Joseph and Mary wandering from door to door seeking shelter was much like my own history. Leaving Puerto Rico was still a wound in my soul as I struggled with who I had become in 15 years in the United States. I'd mourned the losses, but for the first time, I recognized what I'd gained. I was independent, educated, healthy, and adventurous. My life was still before me, full of possibility.

Sometimes the best gift is the one you give yourself. That Christmas, I gave myself credit for what I'd accomplished so far and permission to go forward, unafraid. It is the best gift I've ever received, the one that I most treasure.

我在集市邊停下腳步，看到人們提著裝滿美食的籃子，心中感到更加沮喪。椰棗、無花果干、核桃和山核桃，還有帶殼的榛子，讓我想起小時候在波多黎各收到的圣誕禮物——1月6日主顯節上午，我們才能收到圣誕大禮。我想念我的家人：想念他們喧鬧的派對，想念他們多姿的舞蹈，想念香噴噴的木豆米飯，想念烤乳豬的蒜味脆皮，想念芭蕉葉包裹的大蕉絲蘭根。我得到了我想要的孤獨，卻忍不住想哭。

在街道盡頭的教堂前，布置好了一個馬槽，瑪麗、約瑟夫和馬廄里的動物們都在期待著午夜到來，耶穌降臨。我和鄰居站在那里看著這幅場景，有些人手畫十字、低頭祈禱。在回家路上，我意識到，約瑟夫和瑪麗挨家挨戶尋求庇護的故事，就如同我自己的經歷。離開波多黎各始終是我心頭難以化解的傷痛，我一直在想，15年的美國生活讓我變成了一個什么樣的人。我本應為我所失去的感到悲傷，但那一刻，我第一次認識到我獲得了什么。我是一個獨立的、受過良好教育的、健康的、富有冒險精神的青年。我的生活就在我的面前，充滿了無盡的可能性。

有時候，你送給自己的禮物才是最好的禮物。那年圣誕節，我送給自己的是肯定和許諾，肯定自己過去的努力，許諾自己奮勇向前，無所畏懼。這是我收到的最好的禮物，我最珍惜的圣誕禮物。

■十五句最暖心的話

Think About This

◎Jeanne

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good always comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great before it's too late.

名人語庫

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

幸福猶如香水，在你將它灑向別人的時候，自己也會沾染點滴。

——拉爾夫·沃爾多·愛默生

1. 在這個世界上至少有2個人很愛你，他們愿意為你而死。

2. 在這個世界上至少有15個人以某種方式愛著你。

3. 有人會恨你的唯一原因就是因為他們想變得和你一樣。

4. 你的微笑可以給每一個人帶來快樂，即使他們不喜歡你。

5. 每個夜晚，都有人會在入睡前想著你。

6. 對某個人來說，你就是全世界。

7. 如果不是因為你，某個人可能活不下去。

8. 你是獨一無二的。

9. 有人愛著你，而你甚至都不知道他的存在。

10. 當你犯了天大的錯誤時，總有一些好事及時到來。

11. 如果你認為全世界都背棄了你，好好看看：最有可能的是你背棄了全世界。

12. 當你認為你沒機會得到你想要的東西時，你可能得不到它，但如果你相信自己，也許遲早你都會得到它。

13. 永遠記住你所收獲的贊美，忘掉那些粗魯的言語。

14. 要告訴別人你對他們的感覺；當他們了解以后，你會感覺更棒。

15. 如果你有很棒的朋友，花點時間讓他們知道他們有多棒——趁一切還來得及。

■樂觀人群的十個好習慣

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

◎Judy Belmont

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than "stressed out" and that other people just don't understand?

If your answer is "yes" to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This article will help you stop looking for what psychologists call "positivity" in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don't confuse quitting with letting go

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgment to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to the phinciples which goes:

名人語庫

Optimist: A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

~Walter Winchell

樂觀主義者：被獅子逼上了樹但仍能欣賞風景的人。

——華爾特·溫切爾

你是否在等待發生什么可以改變命運的大事件，借此過上自己想要的生活，這樣你才能更積極地對待生活？你是否發現自己的幸福感是有條件的，認為必須發生某些事才能讓你更快樂？你是否認為自己的生活壓力過大，除了“緊張”以外別無他法，而其他人都無法理解？

如果你對以上任何一個問題回答了“是”，你可能已經在消極情緒中沉溺太久！

以下是一些無論遇到何事都能保持樂觀的小竅門。這篇文章將幫助你避免不當地尋找心理學家所說的“積極性”。來看看樂觀人群必有的10個好習慣。

1. 樂觀人群懂得放手與順其自然的區別

樂觀人群不會糾結于那些會給他們帶來負面影響的思想、信仰，甚至是人，他們相信自己的判斷，會讓生活中的負面壓力順其自然。尤其是在人際關系方面，他們認可這樣的原則：

I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life;

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones;

And to have the wisdom to know the difference!

2. Positive people don't just have a good day—they make a good day

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong—in the past where they happened. They don't spend much time pining for the good old days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person

The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can't do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.

對于給我的生活帶來積極影響的人，我會盡我所能去信任他們；

對于給我帶來消極影響的人，我會保持距離，或者任由他們而去；

而且，我有分辨這兩種人之間不同的智慧！

2. 樂觀人群不僅會享受美好的一天——還會創造美好的一天

樂觀人群的字典里很少會有“等待”“希望”“企盼”這樣的詞匯。反之，他們總是用那些強而有力、積極主動的字眼，而不會用那些被動的字眼。被動性會導致人缺乏參與精神，而樂觀人群會積極參與到自己的人生規劃中。在艱難時期，他們會用行動來改善自己的感受，而不是僅僅盼著壞情緒消失。

3. 對于樂觀人群來說，過去只停留在過去

好的和壞的回憶都應該留在原地——也就是事情發生的過去。樂觀人群不會花很多時間來懷念美好的舊時光，因為他們正忙著創造新的回憶。過去那些負面回憶不是用來讓你自責不已的，也不是讓你毫無意義地后悔，而是讓你在后悔中吸取經驗教訓，然后讓其成為走向更美好未來的墊腳石。

4. 樂觀人群都是懂得感恩的人

最樂觀的人往往也是最懂得感恩的人。他們不會揪著生活中的坎坷不放，而會用全新的感官和體驗，去關注生活中每天都在等待著他們的寶藏。在他們眼中，生活就是一個充滿了傳奇的寶庫。

5. 樂觀人群不會為自己的局限所困，而會被自己的潛能所激勵

樂觀人群會關注自己所能做的，而不是他們所不能做的。他們不會愚鈍地相信每個問題都會有完美的解決辦法，他們只是確信每個問題都有許多解決辦法和可能性。他們絕不會原地祈禱事情出現轉機，而會毫無畏懼地嘗試用新辦法解決老問題。

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

8. People who are positive are great communicators

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else's blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.

6. 樂觀人群不會讓恐懼妨礙他們的生活

樂觀人群明白，那些被恐懼所束縛和牽絆的人永遠無法真正活出自己的人生。他們也會保持適當的謹慎，但不會讓恐懼阻止他們對新事物的嘗試。他們深知，失敗也是通往成功的必經之路。他們堅信，哪怕被生活中的挫折或自己犯下的錯誤所打倒，他們也可以重新站起來，因為他們對于自己的復原能力有著強烈的信念。

7. 樂觀人群常常微笑

如果你感到積極樂觀，你也會發自內心地微笑，而且這種微笑是具有傳染性的。此外，和樂觀人群相處越久的人，就越容易微笑！樂觀人群能夠發現生活的閃光點，而且富有幽默感，即便是拿自己開玩笑也毫不介意。他們有很強的自尊，但不會把自己太當回事兒！

8. 樂觀人群十分善于交流

樂觀人群明白，積極自信的交流是日常生活中與他人溝通的唯一方式。他們會避免批判性的、憤怒的交談，也不會因為他人出言不遜就以牙還牙。相反，他們在自我表達時善于運用機智和策略。他們還充滿自信，絕不會任人擺布，也不會亦步亦趨地跟著別人犯錯誤。

9. 樂觀人群明白，你活得越長，痛苦和悲傷也會越多

對樂觀人群一個最常見的誤解就是，他們每時每刻都是快樂的。這簡直是大錯特錯。任何一個頭腦正常的人都不可能永遠快樂。悲傷、憤怒和失望也是生命中非常重要的情緒。如果你只擁有否定和膚淺的情緒，如何能做到對他人感同身受呢？樂觀人群在面對各種情緒時不會逃避，他們認為情緒上的治愈過程會讓他們體驗多種情感，而不僅僅是快樂這一種。一個樂觀的人總是相信，黑暗的盡頭必有光明。

10. Positive person are empowered people—they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it—if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

10. 樂觀人群善于掌控自己的人生——他們不會責怪他人，也不會做生活的受害者

樂觀人群會向有能力且可靠的人尋求幫助和支持。他們很明確自己的基本人權，而且非常維護自己的尊嚴，因此不會扮演受害者的角色。樂觀人群擁有積極的心態，絕不會心存怨恨。寬容有助于樂觀人群拋棄愁苦，讓他們的生活變得更美好。

那么，你呢？你在自己身上找到了多少積極人群的習慣呢？如果你僅僅是缺乏這10種習慣中的幾條，你可能就會發現，你所期待的彩虹盡頭的寶藏也不像傳說中的那樣。它怎么可能如你所期——如果你還繼續保持一種消極的態度？

■怎樣愛自己，即使沒人愛

How to Love Yourself, Even if No One Else Does

◎Torley

First, the second part of that title isn't true. You either forgot who loves you, or need to find more people who do.

But there may be times where you feel alone and depressed—just about everyone has spells like that, or is strong enough to admit it. It's not easy to talk about, but loneliness, feeling unwanted, and even self-hate from time to time is extremely common. If your hermiting drags on for weeks, you'll want the help of healthcare experts, but if it's not so severe and happens on occasion, here's some vibrant and practical suggestions for you:

Gather a "praise pile"

Ideally, you'll want to do this before you're in a downer—it serves as a life preserver when you're in the "eye of the storm".

Compile the love you've felt: a handwritten note from your Mom, a photo of you and your best buds at the lake together, and awards you've won. They don't have to be recent—recognition spans your whole life. And they don't have to be physical, either; I've used the Firefox ScrapBook add-on to do what its offline analogue does: clip and save kind words from others.

名人語庫

A man is not old as long as he is seeking something. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

~J. Barrymore

只要一個人還有追求，他就沒有老。直到后悔取代了夢想，一個人才算老。

——巴里摩爾

首先，標題的第二部分是不對的。你不會忘記那些愛你的人，也不需要找更多愛你的人。

但有些時候你可能會感覺孤獨和沮喪——幾乎每個人都這樣說過，或者這么承認過。說這些并不容易，但經常孤獨、感覺不被需要，甚至自厭都是很常見的。如果你的孤獨癥狀拖上了好幾周，你可能需要健康護理專家的幫助了，但如果沒有那么嚴重，只是偶爾才發生，這里有一些實用的好建議：

收集“贊美集冊”

理想情況下，你會想在服用鎮靜劑之前做這些——在你處于“暴風之眼”時，它會充當救生工具。

收集你所感覺到的關愛：媽媽手寫的函件，你和最好的朋友在湖邊的合影，你所贏得的所有獎勵。這些不必是最近發生的，你整個一生中的都行。此外，也沒必要是物質上的。我通常使用火狐軟件的剪貼簙來添加離線消息：點擊并保存別人給我的友好話語。

So when I feel like I'm not being cared about, I take a quick look at the "praise pile", and put what's happening in perspective: others have cared about me before, and they will again. And perhaps most importantly, by realizing this, I care about myself. This is a process and never happens immediately. One can't instantly "snap out of it". It "takes time", as the trite-but-true saying goes. But oh, how true it is.

Give up on something worth dropping

Burdens are bedfellows with loneliness. Some people who'd like to have more of a social life are crushed by the rat race, or their own compounded fears which hold them back. By dropping what I often call "slop" (waste unnecessary to your enjoyment of life), it frees you to take on more meaningful things (keep reading). Less worry means more freedom to self-explore and pursue interests.

Why does this sound so obvious? Because it is. But it may only be during a time of emotional inner turbulence that you can summon the strength to unchain yourself.

Don't overthink—that makes it worse. As any great performer knows, and as controversial as "muscle memory" may be, repeated practice leads to what's dubbed "second nature", or a threshold surpassed in which analyzing evolves to intuition based on past experiences.

When you find yourself especially stressed or anxious, those are otherwise-unpleasant moments you can use to your advantage. Especially if you're crying and in a lot of anguish, determine in a flash what's worth keeping, and visualize it like this: you are a burning building. If you could rush into yourself and save only a handful of things to take to a new you, what will they be?

所以，當我覺得不被人關心時，我會迅速瀏覽一下“贊美集冊”，并把所發生的事情記在腦海里：以前有人關心我，他們還會繼續關心我。也許最重要的是，通過意識到這一點，我也開始關心我自己。這個過程從未能立馬奏效。正如老生常談但又真實的諺語所說，一個人不會突然間“重新振作起來”，這“需要時間”。不過，事實就是這樣。

放棄值得丟棄的東西

負擔是孤獨的同伴。一些人想擁有更多的社會生活，但這些都被激烈的競爭破壞了，或者因自身產生的恐懼而望而卻步。丟棄我通常所說的“廢物”（享受生活所不必要的廢物），你就會有空閑去做更有意義的事情（保持閱讀）。少些擔憂意味著有更多自由，來探索自我和從事自己的興趣所在。

為什么聽起來是這么顯而易見的事？因為事實本就如此。但它可能只在感情波動的某一時期如此，這樣你就能集中力量來解放你自己。

不要過度地思考——那會使事情變得更糟。正如許多杰出的演員所知，反復鍛煉被諧稱為“第二天性”，或者即將在過往經驗的基礎上有所超越，這和“肌肉記憶”一樣富有爭議。

當你發現自己特別緊張或憂慮時，除了不愉快的時刻，你可以使用你的一切來改善自己的狀況。特別是當你在哭泣和特別痛苦時，找出值得保留的瞬間，像這樣來想象：你是一棟正在燃燒的大樓。如果你能沖入自己的內心，并只能拯救少數東西來成就一個嶄新的自己，它們會是什么？

Write them down, and set the list aside until you feel more rational. Then look at it again, and join your thoughts of the now with what you had felt then. This can be a potent truth-revealing exercise and puts you on the right track.

Find something new worth fighting for

By "fight", I refer not to violence. Rather, I speak of a cause you can champion and stand up for. The "fight" here is versus adversity. Your cause may be a charity that improves others' lives, or even a campaign to save a TV show. Notice how these purposes require others to get involved—they're inherently social, and even though you may not think about so much about that (and shouldn't), they'll lead to you interacting with others, feeling less lonely.

Being recognized as a maverick and a leader isn't a deliberate process you need to set up like a goal. Rather, the goals here are more about the innate satisfaction and happiness you'll feel.

把它們寫下來，并且把清單放在一旁，直到你感覺更加理性。然后再看一遍，把你現在的思想和當時的感覺集中起來。這會是一個強有力的鍛煉，它會讓你走上正確的軌道。

找出一些新的值得奮斗的事

“奮斗”，我指的不是暴力。相反，我說的是你能為之奮斗和堅持的目標。這里的“奮斗”是針對逆境而言的。你的目標可能是改善他人生活的寬容，甚至是保存一份電視節目的活動。注意這些目標是怎樣要求他人的參與——他們的本質是社會性的，即使你可能沒有（也不該）想這么多，但它們會讓你和其他人交流配合，讓你感覺不那么孤獨。

被視為標新立異的人和領導者不是一個審慎的過程，你不必設立一個像這樣的目標。在一定程度上，這里的目標更多是你所感覺到的滿意度和幸福感。

■郁悶時讓自己振作的十種方法

10 Ways to Cheer Up

◎Anonymous

Feeling a little blue? 10 Ways to Cheer Up. Here are ten fast and easy ways to smile.

1. Play outside

Leave your apartment and go outside. Sun and fresh air are good for you.

2. Exercise

When you exercise, your brain releases a chemical called endorphins. This chemical makes you feel happier. That is just another reason why exercise is good for you.

3. Have a Heart-to-Heart

If something is bothering you, it is a good idea to talk about it. Call a friend or relative. A good chat is great way to feel better fast.

4. Play Pop Music

Westlife, Backstreet Boys, S.H.E … who doesn't like a little mindless pop? Listening to upbeat, happy music will make you smile. Singing along won't hurt either.

名人語庫

Growing old is not upsetting; being perceived as old is.

~Kenny Rogers

越來越老并不可怕，可怕的是讓人覺得越來越老。

——肯尼·羅杰斯

感覺有些郁悶嗎？以下10種方法可以讓你振作起來。快速又簡單，讓你頃刻露出微笑。

1.外出游玩

離開你的房間，去外面走走吧。享受陽光和新鮮空氣，這對你大有好處。

2.運動

運動時，你的大腦會釋放一種叫作內啡肽的化學元素。這種物質會讓你感覺更愉悅。這僅僅只是運動對你有好處的原因之一。

3.促膝談心

如果你正因什么事而煩惱，有個好建議就是大聲把它說出來。給你的某個親朋好友打電話。一次好的談心可以讓你迅速好起來。

4.演奏流行音樂

西城男孩、后街男孩、S.H.E……誰不喜歡點兒輕松的流行樂呢？聽聽那些歡快的音樂吧，這些歡快之音能讓你快樂起來。跟著歌兒哼唱可不會有任何傷害。

5. Laughter is the best medicine

Laughing is the best way to improve your mood. Children laugh around 400 times a day. Adults only laugh about 20 times a day. What happened? Be a kid for a day: play games, watch funny movies, or read jokes online.

6. Power of Chocolate

Chocolate has special natural chemicals that make you happy. Plus, it tastes so good!

7. Draw

Be an artist! Draw, paint, or make something. Even if it is not perfect, being creative relieves stress.

8. Get a dog

Dogs are cute, energetic, and fun. Plus, studies show that people with pets live longer and people with dogs live the longest!

9. Breathe

If you can't go to the gym, try taking deep breaths. Breathing deeply will relax your muscles and give you energy.

10. Think positive

Close your eyes and think of a beautiful scene or a time when you were happy and feeling good.

5.開懷大笑是一劑良藥

大笑是改善心情最好的辦法。孩子一天大約要笑400次。成人一天卻只笑20次。為什么會這樣？做一天的孩子吧：玩玩游戲，看看喜劇，或者上網讀讀笑話。

6.巧克力的力量

巧克力含有一種可以讓人快樂的天然化學物質。另外，它也很美味！

7.畫畫

做一回藝術家！畫畫，涂鴉，或者做點手工。就算做得不那么完美，但創作可以緩解壓力。

8.養一條小狗

狗狗既可愛，又充滿活力，而且有趣至極！此外，研究顯示養寵物的人活得更長，養狗的人是活得最長的！

9.呼吸

如果你不能去健身房，那就試試深呼吸。深呼吸可以放松你的肌肉，為你提供能量。

10.樂觀地思考

閉上眼睛，想想那些美麗的畫面，或者你感覺最棒的開心時刻。

■開心玩瑜伽，減壓好方法

Yoga for Lowering Stress

◎Mary L. Gavin

Yoga and You

When you hear the word "yoga", do you think of a person with his legs twisted up like a pretzel? If so, it may seem like yoga is very complicated or just for adults. Not true! Kids and teens can do yoga for the same reasons grown-ups do: because it feels good to stretch out your body, slow down your breathing, and relax your mind. Yoga can help you feel calmer when life is busy and stressful.

What You Need

Any time you start a new exercise routine it's a good idea to check with a parent. A yoga class can be a great way to get started because the instructor can teach you how to get into the poses. Find a large enough space with few distractions. No TV or people, if possible. Wear comfortable workout clothes and no shoes or socks. A yoga mat can be helpful because it cushions a bit and keeps your feet from slipping. Yoga should not hurt, so go slow and ease into position. Go only as far as you comfortably can.

名人語庫

People who can not find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness.

~John Wanamaker

騰不出時間娛樂的人，早晚會被迫騰出時間生病。

——霍梅克

你與瑜伽

當你聽到“瑜伽”這個詞時，你是否會想到一個人將自己的大腿扭曲成卷餅那樣？如果是這樣，瑜伽看起來就似乎很復雜，像專門給成人練習的。但事實并非如此！兒童和青少年也可以因為同樣的理由練習瑜伽：伸展身體、放慢呼吸、放松思想的感覺很棒。當你感到生活忙碌、壓力重重時，瑜伽可以幫助你平靜下來。

你需要

無論任何時候，當你開始一項新的鍛煉安排時，和家長談談總是好的。上瑜伽課程是個不錯的開始，因為教練會教你怎樣做動作。找一個足夠大且很少讓你分心的地方。最好不要有電視或其他人。穿上舒適的運動服，不要穿鞋襪。瑜伽墊很有用，因為它有一定的緩沖作用，而且會防止出現腳滑。瑜伽不應該讓你感到疼痛，所以你要慢慢地、舒服地擺正姿勢。盡量做，舒服就行。

Why Yoga for Stress

When you get stressed or nervous, many things can help you feel better. Talking with someone—a parent or friend—is a great idea because they can help you figure out what's wrong and start coming up with solutions. In addition, you can ease stress through exercise. You probably know exercise is good for your health, but it's also a proven way to put you in a better mood. So it makes sense that yoga is a favorite activity among people who want to feel stronger and more relaxed. Yoga includes a lot of stretching, but that's not all—yoga also focuses on breathing and meditation, which means thinking calm thoughts. Practicing yoga is a chance to learn stretching/breathing/thinking skills that you can use to calm yourself down the next time you feel worried. In other words, yoga can help your body stay loose and relaxed when things heat up!

Think Good Thoughts

Meditation is the first part of a stress-relieving yoga routine. Meditation means being calm, quiet, and focused. Some people call this "feeling centered". When you're feeling centered, you can do your best in stressful situations such as taking a test or working through a disagreement with a friend. Try these meditation exercises: Take a yoga vacation: Find a quiet, private place, like your bedroom. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Imagine a place where you feel safe and relaxed. Is it your best friend's backyard? Your grandma's house? Camping in the woods? Imagine yourself in this place for three to five minutes. You'll feel much calmer after your "yoga vacation". Positive pictures: When you're feeling stressed about a big test or game, it can help to imagine it going really well. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Picture yourself feeling prepared for your test or kicking the winning goal in soccer. Of course, positive pictures can't take the place of actual preparation, but they can help you feel more confident.

為什么選擇瑜伽減壓

當你感到壓力或緊張時，很多事都可以讓你放松下來。同別人聊聊天——父母或朋友——這方法就很不錯，因為他們可以幫你發現問題所在，找出解決方案。此外，你還可以通過體育鍛煉減輕壓力。你也許知道運動對身體有好處，但它也是一個可以令人心情愉悅的行之有效的辦法。所以，對于那些希望變得更強壯、渴望放松下來的人來說，瑜伽就是最受歡迎的運動了。瑜伽包括大量的伸展動作，但它遠不止如此——瑜伽還注重呼吸和冥想，也就是平心靜氣地思考。練習瑜伽讓你有機會學習伸展、呼吸以及思考的技巧，下次當你感到憂慮的時候，便可以通過這些讓自己冷靜下來。換句話說，在事情一團糟的時候，瑜伽可以幫助你舒展和放松身體。

積極的想法

冥想是減壓瑜伽訓練的第一部分。冥想就是保持平靜、安靜和專注。有些人稱之為“感受中心”。當你感受到自己的中心，在緊張的情況下——比如考試或處理與朋友的分歧等——就能發揮最好狀態。試試以下的冥想練習：進行一次瑜伽旅行，找一個安靜、私人的地方，比如你的臥室。以舒服的姿勢坐下來，閉上雙眼，想象一個讓你感到安全和放松的地方——摯友的后院？奶奶的房子？還是森林里的露營？用三到五分鐘想象你身處這個地方。完成“瑜伽旅行”之后，你會感覺平靜多了。積極的畫面：當你因為一場大考或比賽而倍感壓力時，想象它們進展得十分順利。舒服地坐下，閉上眼睛。想象那些畫面：你已經做好了應考準備，或者有信心在足球賽中踢入制勝一球。當然，想象積極畫面不能代替真正的準備工作，但它們能讓你更有信心。

Breathe Deep

On one hand, you already know how to breathe. You're doing it right now! But learning how to breathe in yoga practice can help you notice how your breathing changes when you're anxious or upset. Often, when you start to feel nervous or uncomfortable, your breathing may get faster and you might not breathe as deeply. Once you tune in to your breath, you can try belly breathing.

Get Up and Move

There are many different yoga poses. Some can help you stretch the neck, shoulders and back, which are most likely to get tense when you are nervous or stressed. Try these two yoga poses when you want to de-stress yourself: Surprise/Sourpuss: Open your mouth wide and bug out your eyes, then close your eyes very tightly and pucker your lips. Alternate back and forth between "surprise" and "sourpuss". Do this while you're studying to help loosen up your face and jaw, which can get really tense while you're studying. If you have a study partner, make a game of it! Who can make the silliest face? Shoulder gymnastics: Do a few gentle shoulder and neck rolls right before a test to keep your shoulders nice and loose. You can even do them during a test if you need a refreshing break.

Have Fun With Yoga

Yoga can help you in serious ways, but it also can be a lot of fun. You can smile during yoga, and even laugh, which is a great stress reliever too. Yoga can be done alone or with friends. And you can do it at home, at a yoga studio, or in the park. We'll end with a special Sanskrit greeting—"namaste". It's traditionally said at the end of a yoga practice and it means the light inside of me bows to the light inside of you. Namaste.

深呼吸

一方面，你已經知道如何呼吸，因為你此刻就在呼吸！但是，學習如何在瑜伽練習中呼吸，能助你在焦慮不安時發覺呼吸的變化。通常，當你開始感覺緊張不安時，你的呼吸會變得急促，而且呼吸的深度不夠。一旦了解自己的呼吸變化，你可以嘗試腹部式呼吸。

動起來

瑜伽有許多不同的姿勢。有些可以讓你伸展頸部、肩膀和背部，這些部位在你緊張或感到壓力時通常會繃得很緊。當你想放松自己時，試試以下兩個瑜伽姿勢：驚訝/怒容：張大嘴巴，瞪大雙眼，然后緊緊地閉上眼睛，噘起嘴唇。來回交替做“驚訝”和“怒容”這兩個動作。學習時，你的臉部和下巴會繃緊，這套動作能幫你放松這兩個部位。如果你跟同伴一起學習，還可以當游戲來玩！誰的鬼臉更傻呢？肩操：考試前適當擺動肩膀和頸部，這能讓你的肩部放松下來。如果想休息一下讓自己清醒清醒，你甚至可以在考試中途做這個動作。

開心自在玩瑜伽

瑜伽既可以嚴肅對待，也可以趣味橫生。練習瑜伽時你可以面帶笑容，甚至放聲大笑，這也是個不錯的減壓方式。你可以獨自練習瑜伽，也可以結伴練習。瑜伽可以在家、瑜伽室或公園里進行。我們將以一句特別的梵文問候語結束——“雙手合十”。通常，在瑜伽練習結束時都會說這句話，意思是，我體內的光芒向你體內的光芒鞠躬。雙手合十。

■和自己談場戀愛

How to Fall in Love With Yourself

◎Sherri

How to fall in love with yourself? Here are a few ideas you can try to build yourself up and fall in love with yourself all over again.

1. Focus on your strengths. We all have strengths and luckily they are not all the same. Do things you are naturally good at and enjoy and you will build self confidence, efficiency and pride.

2. Be proud of your accomplishments. No matter how big or seemingly small your accomplishments are you should be very proud of each and every one of them. Whether it's completing high school, university, starting your own company, having kids and raising a family, completing a project that's hanging around for far too long, be proud. Celebrate the small and large accomplishments and everything in between.

3. Get excited about who you are. Celebrate your uniqueness. Maybe you're a very caring individual, efficient, or adept to solving problems. Embrace it. Be proud that you're not like everyone else in your social circle. People love you for being you.

名人語庫

Behavior is a mirror in which every one shows his image.

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

行為是一面鏡子，每個人都把自己的形象顯現于其中。

——歌德

如何愛上你自己？這里有一些小貼士，你可以試著振作起來，重新愛上你自己。

1. 專注于自己的強項。我們都有強項，幸運的是，每個人的強項各有千秋。做那些你天生擅長的事情，享受這個過程，你將建立起自信心、高效率和驕傲感。

2. 為自己的成功感到驕傲。不管是大的還是小的成就，你都應該為每一次成就而感到自豪。無論是完成高中學業，大學順利畢業，還是開了自己的公司，有了孩子，開始扶養家庭，或者是完成了一個拖延已久的項目，這些都值得自豪。慶祝這些大大小小的成就吧。

3. 為你就是你自己而高興。慶祝你的獨一無二。也許你富有愛心，也許你做事高效，又或者你解決問題很老到。擁抱你的獨特吧。為此而感到自豪，因為你與你的社交圈里的其他人不同。正因為你就是你，所以大家才會愛你。

4. 分享你的才華。如果你有獨特的稟賦，與世界分享它吧。如果你文筆很好——寫作吧；如果你舞姿輕盈——跳舞吧；如果你組織能力很強……嗯，你懂的。不管你相信與否，還有人會因為分享你的才能而大大獲益。你有沒有注意到，與別人分享的這個過程，會讓你感覺如此地奇妙和難以置信？

4. Share your talent. If you've got a talent share it with the world. If you can write—write, if you can dance—dance, if you can organize…well you get the picture. Believe it or not there are people out there who could benefit greatly from you sharing your talents. Ever notice how giving to others makes you feel so incredible about yourself?

5. Forgive yourself. Guilt is a weird thing. All guilt does is hold us in the past reliving something we wish we could change. Not going to happen I'm afraid. Forgiveness is a choice. Forgive yourself. The past is the past (I know you've heard this before but the more you hear it the more you may start to believe it). Forgive yourself, apologize and move on.

6. Do something just for you. Take time for yourself and just relax. Rest both your mind and your body. Rejuvenate by sitting quietly listen to soft soothing music or watch the wonders of nature from your own backyard, balcony or window. Treat yourself to a massage or spa day. Whatever it is that makes you feel special and relaxed … do it.

Love yourself. Take pride in all your unique glory. Maybe you're quirky and have a very different talent. Embrace it. Flaunt it and share it with the world!

5. 原諒你自己。內疚是件很奇怪的事情。內疚感只會讓我們糾纏于過去不放手，總想著重來一遍，希望可以改變一切。不過這恐怕不會發生。寬恕是一種選擇。原諒你自己。過去的已經過去（我知道這句話已經是老生常談了，但你聽到的次數越多，你會越應該相信它）。原諒自己，道歉，然后繼續向前。

6. 為自己做些事情。給自己留點時間，只是為了放松一下。讓你的身心都好好休息。靜靜地坐著，聽著舒緩的音樂，或從后院、陽臺或窗口，欣賞大自然的奇跡。做做按摩或泡泡溫泉。不管是什么讓你覺得很特別、很放松的事……去做就好。

愛自己，為自己所有獨一無二的魅力感到驕傲。也許你有點奇特，有些不同常人的才華，那么，擁抱你的特別吧。要炫耀，然后跟全世界分享。

■讓青春常駐

How to Stay Young

◎Harvey Bingham

Throw out nonessential（nonessential[,n?ni'sen??l]a. 非本質的；不重要的） numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That's why you pay him/her.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle（idle['aidl]a. 空閑的；懶惰的；無所事事的） mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's."

Enjoy the simple things.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge（refuge['refju:d?]n. 躲避；避難所，藏身處） .

Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

美麗語錄

Remember these simple guidelines for happiness: 1. Free your heart from hate; 2. Free your mind from worry; 3. Live simply; 4. Give more; 5. Expect less.

幸福五大原則：1.心中無恨；2.腦中無憂；3.生活簡單；4.多些付出；5.少些期待。

扔掉那些無關緊要的數字。包括你的年齡、體重和身高。讓醫生去操心吧。因為你給了他們報酬。

結交樂觀的朋友。那些滿腹牢騷的人只能讓你雪上加霜。

學無止境。多了解計算機、手藝、園藝等知識。不要讓你的大腦閑置下來。“無所事事的大腦是魔鬼的加工廠。魔鬼的名字叫癡呆癥。”

享受簡單事物。

多笑，開懷大笑。上氣不接下氣地笑。

有淚就流。忍受和悲傷過后，要繼續前行。陪伴我們度過一生的唯一的人——就是我們自己。讓生命鮮活起來。

讓你的所愛環繞著你，無論是家人、寵物、紀念品、音樂、植物、愛好，什么都好。你的家就是你的避風港。

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next country, to a foreign country, but not to where the guilt is.

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

珍惜健康：如果它很好，就好好地保護它。如果它反復無常，就改善它。如果你已無力改善它了，就請別人幫忙吧。

別踏上犯罪的道路。你可以去商場閑逛，可以去附近地區旅行，可以出國旅行，但不要踏上犯罪之路。

告訴你所愛的人們，你愛他們，把握每一個表達的機會。

永遠記住：度量生命的不是我們呼吸的次數，而是那些最最難忘的時刻。

■放松，微笑，創造

Relax, Smile, and Create

◎Jessie

Relax

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Happiness is largely a choice.

Feel gratitude for all of the good in your life.

Smile

Once you have enough to pay for life's basics think to yourself: "I've won."

Happiness is contagious: find someone who is happy and stand close to them.

Play, Create

Happiness is attainable.

Slow down and enjoy the scenery. Be spontaneous.

Happiness is perched on your windowsill, invite it in.

Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.

美麗語錄

It is better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all.

年輕時做一點兒事，要比什么事也不做好。

放松

不要把自己看得太重。

快樂在很大程度上，是一種選擇。

為你生命中的所有美好而心存感激。

微笑

一旦你能滿足自己的基本生活需求了，就對自己說：“我贏了。”

快樂是會傳染的：找到那些快樂的人，和他們并肩前行。

玩，創造

快樂是可以獲得的。

慢下來，去欣賞沿途的風景。要發自內心。

快樂就棲息在你的窗臺，邀請它進來吧。

成功不是快樂的必然；而快樂卻是成功的關鍵。

Surround yourself with positive, life-affirming people.

Make others happy

Have big dreams.

Enjoy the journey.

Grab every single morsel of happiness which comes your way.

Be on the look out for moments of pleasure and wonder.

爭取讓你身邊環繞著那些積極而又生活樂觀的人。

帶給別人快樂

擁有大大的夢想。

享受旅途。

抓住沿途中點點滴滴的快樂。

珍惜每個開心和奇跡的瞬間。

■寂寞也美

Loneliness

◎Deepak Chandrasekaren

"A man is known by the company he keeps." If it is so, then everyone is bound to have their baggage of loneliness with them as companions. Loneliness is not something that doesn't exist at all with any human being on earth. Every human being feels lonely in his life at some point or other. It's but natural to have such feeling, because that's what makes us all human and that is why we are as we are now.

If we shed some light on why we feel aloof or lonely at times, we would be very much astonished or even probably surprised by the results. We ourselves are responsible for our self-defined gloominess. This is because at times we really feel that we are un-cared for or feel someone doesn't understand us.

Sometimes we over analyze real life situations and have this growing sense of self pity inside us. This feeling always gives us thoughts which picturise us always receiving the wrong end of the stick in life. The truth might not always be true if we touch our heart and see. It's just that our expectations in life and from people around us or circumstances that we are facing have got the better of us. Expectation is the silent killer which murders millions of mushy（mushy['m??i]a. 感情脆弱的；感傷的） and time tested relationships. If there would have been no expectations from anyone, the world would have been a much better place to be. If there would have been no expectations, not many people would have had an aching heart and a life long grouse against there would have been better haves. If it wouldn't have been for unreasonable expectations not many couples would have divorced each other.

名人語庫

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything—or nothing.

~Lady Astor

生活中的主要危險來自那些想要改變一切或什么也不想改變的人。

——阿斯特子爵夫人

“觀其友，知其人。”如果的確如此，那么每個人都注定要與孤獨為伴。在這個世界上，孤獨感與每個人相生相伴。人們都會在某些特定的時刻感到孤獨。這是十分自然的感覺，因為孤獨感使我們成為人，并讓我們成為現在的自己。

如果我們要闡明為什么有時會感到冷漠或孤獨，我們會對得出的結果感到十分吃驚。我們應該對我們自定義的憂郁負責。這是因為，在有些時候，我們真的覺得自己被忽視或不被理解。

有時候我們過度地分析了自己的真實生活狀況，這令我們在內心產生了一種自我憐憫的感覺。這種感覺經常會帶給我們一種生活的錯覺。如果我們捫心自問，真相并不總是真實的，它只是我們對于身邊的人和環境過高的期待。期待是一個沉默的殺手，謀殺了無數親密的、經過時間考驗的關系。如果我們不再總是對他人抱有期待，這個世界將會變得更好。如果不再有那么多期待，就不會有那么多人感到心痛，而對于有些人，一生也就不會有那么長的埋怨了。如果沒有那些不合理的期待，也就不會有那么多夫妻離婚了。

How to come out of expectations then? Good question. The answer is when you give something, don't always expect anything in return. When our mother gave birth to us, she never expected that we will give birth to her. She has just fulfilled her desire to raise a family and live for them. In the same way, let our actions make us live for our self and let not expectation screw up the major portion of your lives. Let us have the freedom and will power to express our love, affection and longingness for people whenever we feel. Let us not restrict our freedom of expression just because he or she is not responding the way we want them to.

Well, all in all a little bit of loneliness is good for a self-analysis（self-analysis[?self?'n?l?sis]n. 自我（心理）分析） to keep a check over your actions. Introspection always makes you communicate with the inner self, but too much of introspection can make you scale the altitude of self pity. So show restrain at the right time.

那么怎樣才能跳出期待呢？問得好。答案是，當我們給予的時候，不要總是期待有所回報。當我們的媽媽給予我們生命時，她從沒有期望我們也給予她生命。她僅僅是完成了她擁有一個家庭并為之而活的理想。同樣，讓我們為自己而活，不要讓期待占據你生命中的一大部分。讓我們自由地、大聲地表達我們的愛、感動和渴望。當別人沒有像我們期待的那樣回應時，我們也不要失去表達感情的自由。

當然，總的來說，一點點的孤獨對一個人審視自己的行為是有好處的。自省總是會讓你與你的心靈有所交流，但是過度的自省會使我們產生高度的自我憐憫感。因此，適當克制自己，要適可而止。